"'Baby Mama'" : Thinking Out Loud : Blogs : News-Record.com : Greensboro, North Carolina

'Baby Mama'

News & Observer columnist Barry Saunders (registration required) takes sharp exception to American Idol Fantasia Barrino's celebration of single motherhood, "Baby Mama."

Saunders also chokes hard on Barrino's remarks that there ought to be a holiday for single mothers.

To wit. Saunders writes:

"In her song 'Baby Mama,' 'American Idol' winner Fantasia Barrino says she thinks there should be a national holiday for single mothers.
For some of them, there already is. It's called the first of the month.

"Hey, don't look at me like that.

"And don't call me that, either.

"Nobody -- OK, some people are, but I'm not --is suggesting that single mothers be tarred and feathered or forced to wear a scarlet letter on their forehead. Nor should their children endure a life of penury simply because their fathers, for whatever reason, split the scene.

"There is nothing inherently honorable in going it alone. Go ahead: Ask a single mother -- a baby mama, in Fantasia's lingo -- whether she'd rather have a helpmate. Or ask a single father, which I am. Most of us would prefer a partner."

Barry's got a point. It's high time we stopped rationalizing and/or glamorizing single parenthood as a preferred state.

It's hard enough parenting a child with the help of a spouse or significant other.

While it is mean to stigmatize children born out of wedlock as "illegitimate," it should be no less acceptable to romanticize single moms either. A child born to a single parent is more prone to live in poverty, more prone to face a tougher, rougher climb to success in the classroom and in life.

Fortunately, more and more young black women and young women in general are finally getting it. In the same edition, the N&O reports a significant decline in the number of black women/girls having babies while in high school-- 22 percent from 1990 to 2002, according to the National Center for Health Statistics.

I'd prefer to sing those praises than a chorus of "Baby Mama."

Posted by Allen Johnson on March 30, 2005 10:40 AM | Permalink

Comments (34)

To report abuse of the comment feature on this site, please use the feedback form at the bottom of any page.

dan bloom said:

where is the reader written blog? you lied to AP about this.....bad PR....

Posted on March 30, 2005 11:22 AM

Where is this page mentioned by AP story?

"There's a page for reader-submitted articles, another for letters to the editor and an online-tips form." Which page online is that, pray tell?

Posted on March 30, 2005 11:23 AM

Allen Johnson said:

Dan, you can click on the Letters to the Editor blog link in the panel on the side of this page.

Posted on March 30, 2005 1:03 PM

You can submit a story at the link just about our blog directory on the news-record.com home page.

Posted on March 30, 2005 1:06 PM

Sue said:

How interesting. Single "mothers." Where innaheck are the "fathers" (sic) who aren't there or paying child support or involved in the children's lives? I don't see us bemoaning "single fathers" when a woman ups and leaves a family. Nope, it's always the mothers who keep the baby, raise the child, and put their own lives on hold while writers like Barry Saunders call their lives a bunch of names.

Posted on March 30, 2005 2:16 PM

Saunders does address that issue. He cites himself as a single parent in the portion of the column I quoted.
His point, it seems to me, is that neither situation is the ideal for raising a child.

Posted on March 30, 2005 2:25 PM

govtwriter said:

Yeah, I'm conflicted on this single momhood thing. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I could see that it was hard for my mom and my dad was around, involved and paid his child support PLUS there were lots of extended family around to help. I also was raised to think it was shameful to have a child without a husband.

However...I am single, and in three weeks I'll be 35 and suddenly I am feeling pressed to make some hard decisions -- should I keep waiting until I meet someone and get married, knowing that marriage could come long after I'm able to bear children or, maybe, not at all OR go ahead and be a "baby mama?" Part of me thinks it's irresponsible to purposely have/adopt a child knowing there is no father around and the other part ... wants to love and raise a child.

Posted on March 30, 2005 2:31 PM

I want to also throw this out there for discussion...when single white women decide to buy sperm and have children, are they considered "baby mamas?" Or divorced white women with children -- are they "baby mamas?" How about single white women who adopt? Are they "baby mamas?" Why does it seem that black women are always branded as "baby mamas" no matter the circumstance for their situation (which COULD be sperm donor, adoption, divorce as well)? And maybe this is only MY perception but I do know that part of my hesitance in having/raising a child alone (aside from the issues I raised above) is the stigma attached to it for black women. The thought of walking through my office with a big belly and no ring, or riding the Metro with a child and no ring an having people make judgments about my morals, character and situation troubles me. I don't want to be viewed as "another black woman with a baby and no husband."

Posted on March 30, 2005 2:42 PM

Fred App said:

Saunders' column is a moronic screed that accepts as universal a moronic stereotype: namely, that single mothers are to blame for their single motherhood.

How about the mother who's single because her husband died? Who left her husband because he beat her? Who got divorced because her husband was cheating on her? Whose husband abandoned her and their child? (Switch the genders and the points are just as applicable.)

Being a single parent should be morally neutral. It's neither inherently honorable nor dishonarable. What is honorable -- and admirable -- is a person who finds themselves alone as a single parent, and somehow has the strength, dedication, and fortitude to deal successfully with the responsibility, because it sure as hell ain't easy.

Posted on March 30, 2005 3:16 PM

F Reid said:

Why not enforce the laws about out of wedlock children and that may help the problem.
No everyone wants one to feel sorry for there mistakes and pay if they can not.
Get Real this is 2005 make the best of a bad situation and learn from mistakes and if you do the crime do the time or what ever punishment the law requires.

Posted on March 30, 2005 5:24 PM

Again, the point as I see is not to vilify single parenthood. Nor is it necessarily to discourage single adoptions.
The point is not to reinforce among young people who are barely able to take care of themselves that getting pregnant as a teenager is a good thing. Or that getting someone pregnant at that age is OK.
When young people have families too early they limit opportunities for themselves and their babies.
Fantasia has succeeded in spite of her single motherhood, not because of it.

Posted on March 30, 2005 6:26 PM

Joe Guarino said:

Allen, I appreciate your posting this item and your comments; and also your highlighting concern over this issue on the op-ed pages. The problem is that the prevalence of illegitimacy and single parent households is still much greater than it was, say, 40-45 years ago, even considering the recent decreases. The question is-- what substantive things are we willing to do about it (understanding that compliance with use of contraception will always be inconsistent to some degree)? My concern is that we are not willing to make the tough choices needed to achieve meaningful reductions in the prevalence of these unfortunate trends.

Posted on March 30, 2005 11:00 PM

Yvonne said:

Mr. Guarino, I have a feeling you have some definitive ideas with regard to what we need to do to help reduce this trend. I would like to hear them.

Also I need a clarification. Are we talking about single mothers in general or just the babies having babies and receiving help from government sources?

Posted on March 30, 2005 11:47 PM

Joe, tell us more about what you think those choices entail.

Posted on March 30, 2005 11:48 PM

I really did not want to go to this level of detail because I know many people will disagree and misinterpret. I only ask that you remain mindful that there have been a significant number of single-parent families-- created by divorce, abandonment and illegitimacy-- in my own extended family. Nonetheless, here goes:

1. I think we need to make divorce much more difficult to access and replace the no-fault framework. We need to rethink culturally what constitutes justifiable divorce.

2. Recall that AFDC reform entailed a time-limited sunset provision whereby beneficiaries could draw benefits only temporarily. I think we need to apply this to virtually the entire panoply of social welfare programs, many of which remain. The more we subsidize the creation and maintenance of single parent families, the more we will have. If we do not expect mother and father to unite and support their kids, many will not do so.

3. We need to reconsider the effects of the federal pregnancy anti-discrimination statute which mandated the mainstreaming of pregnant females in public school classrooms. Our previous approach to "scarlet letters" was discriminatory toward women. But I would argue that we need to hold men and women equally accountable when pregnancies occur out of wedlock. The pre-1970 approach was to hold only women accountable; the post-1970 approach was to hold only men accountable. Neither worked in an equitable way.

4. The availability of contraception, and later unrestricted legal abortion on demand, led to the cultural normalization of premarital intercourse and multiple partner sexuality. I think we need to reexamine the entire concept of makiing contraceptives available to the unmarried. The entire legal framework which created this mess (Griswold vs. Connecticut, Eisenstadt vs. Baird, Roe vs. Wade) should be deconstructed.

5. The parents of both underaged individuals who create an out-of-wedlock pregnancy need to held accountable.

6. We need to culturally restore the social disapproval that is associated with the wrongful attitudes and behaviors that create single parent families.

There would be considerable short-term pain associated with adopting some of these approaches, but I believe that behaviors would ultimately adjust to accomodate the new circumstances. We are now governed by individualism in excess and sexual liberationism on these matters-- but these ideals are inconsistent with a society that assures that its children will be properly cared for and raised, and that they will have access to the full range opportunities America affords.

Posted on March 31, 2005 11:57 AM

Joe, I like many of your suggestions, particularly no. 1 and no. 6. As I mentioned earlier, I was raised to think it was shameful to have a baby and no husband and, as you can see, even on the cusp of 35, I'm still mindful of that. When I was in high school (late 80s)there was a school called TAPS (dunno what the acronym stands for) where girls could go to school if they got pregnant. I also want to add that I was watching or reading something recently that said only 1 percent of Americans wait until they are married to have sex. I think that's interesting, too, as I had guessed it at least 10 percent of the population (given our religiosity and whatnot) would be saving their virginity for their marriage bed.

Posted on March 31, 2005 12:31 PM

Joe, thanks for all the thoughtful ideas.
I certainly favor making it less socially acceptable to have children out of wedlock, but we need to be careful not to victimize those children; they had no choice in the matter.
Being labeled "illegitimate" (or worse) because of a parent's indiscretions is wrong and cruel.
That said, I have seen relatives enable young women to have multiple children out of wedlock by not only accepting the behavior but by assuming too many of the parental responsibilities the young mother (and father) ought to be handling.
The best approach to me, it seems, is prevention rather than punishment, through education, positive role models, etc.

Posted on March 31, 2005 1:16 PM

Allen ,I think it's a Catch-22 though...if your daughter had a child and was a lax parent, could you stand by while your grandchild was neglected? May not be right to take up the slack and remove responsibility from the parent, but doesn't seem right to make the child suffer cause the parent is a fool.

Posted on March 31, 2005 1:34 PM

You raise a very good point. That's why prevention is so important.

Posted on March 31, 2005 2:05 PM

Allen, I agree with you that we should not stigmatize the child. The question is whether the approaches you suggest are going to be sufficient to reduce the prevalence of single parent families to 1965 or 1960 levels. I am not sure. But I think I understand the legal/political dynamics that created the magnitude of our current problems; and suspect that reversing many of them will be necessary to elevate our society to the point that the interests of children are higher than those of folks of reproductive age. Again, I appreciate your obvious concern over these matters.

Posted on March 31, 2005 2:56 PM

timothy said:

First, I feel that there are no illegitimate children (there are illegitimate parents, though).

One problem with discussing this issue today is the fact that it is so prevalent(i.e. people are almost afraid to mention this being a problem for fear of almost certainly hurting somebody's feelings). Too, nearly everybody can cite a case they are personally aware of in which a single parent has done a remarkable job parenting and have raised a well-rounded kid despite the odds. A neighbor of mine has raised 3 daughters on her own--and the kids have indeed turned out well.

That being said, I feel that, in general, the breakdown of the two-parent family has been *the* single most devastating factor in most of our societal ills today (drugs, crime, out-of-wedlock births, poor academic achievement, etc).

I recently spoke with a friend who is an elementary school teacher here in Greensboro. Of the 17 children in her kindergarten class, only 2 children are living with their biological mother AND father. When I indicated shock at this, she informed me that she had "2 more than some classrooms have." This trend trancends race, but the fact that 70% of African-American births occur out of wedlock is particularly disturbing.

I know times have changed, and I would never advocate a return to the day where children born out of wedlock, or children being raised by a divorced parent were looked down upon. But I agree with Joe's 6th point (above). My office recently gave a baby shower for a single woman who was asked if she and "X" (her boyfriend) were going to get married now that "they" were expecting a child. Her reply: "No Way!! I wanted a baby--*not* a husband!" Many folks laughed and several high-fives were exchanged. My stomach turns again now as I remember this.

I don't have any solutions for this problem. I do however feel stongly that the breakdown of the two-parent household is without doubt the root cause of nation's downward social spiral.

Posted on March 31, 2005 6:59 PM

HHS: Just Say No

by Paul Singer, National Journal

The Health and Human Services Department issued a Good Friday message last week: Premarital sex is really, really bad for you. HHS Secretary Michael Leavitt on Friday used an appearance in Atlanta to announce the creation of a new Web site -- www.4parents.gov -- and brochures to help parents talk to their children about abstinence.The materials, designed with the assistance of the Alabama-based National Physicians Center for Family Resources, offer a litany of dangers of premarital sex: disease, humiliation, imprisonment, and even death. A chart offers the failure rates of various types of contraceptives, while a section on "Sex, Teens, and the Law" warns that "in many states, it is illegal for a young teen to have sex with someone two or more years older.... The older person can be charged with statutory rape or other crimes." The National Physicians Center is a nonprofit alliance of doctors supporting "traditional values," said Dr. John Whiffen, the center's medical director, who added that the center received $50,000 in contracts to run the Web site for HHS. But family-planning advocates sent a letter to Leavitt on Thursday saying that the site is rife with factual errors and ideological bias, and should be shut down. William Smith, vice president of public policy at the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, said that the site understates the ability of condoms to protect against diseases. Karen Pearl, interim president of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, said that the site defines pregnancy as beginning at the moment of conception, meaning that several methods of birth control could be considered as abortion. "What is on this Web site is at best propaganda and, at worst, outright incorrect information," Pearl said. "We tried really, really hard to make the site medically accurate," Whiffen responded. "They may not like what it says, but that is a different issue." Groups such as Planned Parenthood and SIECUS are "pro-sexual activity for kids," he charged, while the abstinence site is meant to give parents the tools to help their children avoid sexual activity." Abstinence is the only 100 percent effective way to protect teens from sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies," said Alma Golden, HHS deputy assistant secretary for population affairs. "It's a tricky topic for a lot of parents, and this accurate, scientifically supported document can help them bridge the communication and generation gap."

Posted on April 1, 2005 12:02 PM

Lilly said:

Maybe the name of the song should be baby momma drama. Ask some of the dads who have babies with several or more different women. haha. The idea of the baby momma holiday being at the first of the month is indeed already a holiday, so is alot of the entire month every month. This holiday has been in effect for YEARS. Fantasia is a decent singer. Perhaps you can take the singer out of the ghetto but you cant take the ghetto out of the singer. LMAO. That song to me, proves it.

Posted on April 9, 2005 10:05 AM

Lilly, I would agree that we have not taken single motherhood and fatherhood as seriously as we could or should.
But the question is how far to go. When does a lack of acceptance of out-of-wedlock babies tip into the realm of scarlett letters and puritanical judgment?
More on this subject is coming soon to this blog, from an expert, I hope.

Posted on April 11, 2005 1:31 PM

Ok, Allen honey, where is this expert. I've been waiting... Maybe they got baby mama drama, or maybe they are a baby mama? (well, you said they were EXPERTS, LOL) I can understand the delay..

Posted on April 23, 2005 8:28 PM

fhgrhg said:

amateur

pornvideos/anal

pornvideos/anime

pornvideos/asian

ornvideos/bbw

pornvideos/big-boobs

pornvideos/big-cocks

pornvideos/big-tits

pornvideos/black

pornvideos/blondes

pornvideos/blowjob

pornvideos/bondage

pornvideos/brunette

pornvideos/busty

pornvideos/cartoon

pornvideos/centerfold

pornvideos/cumshot

pornvideos/doggystyle

double-penetration

pornvideos/ebony

ethnic

pornvideos/facial

pornvideos/fat

pornvideos/feet

pornvideos/femdom

pornvideos/fetish

pornvideos/gangbang

pornvideos/group

pornvideos/hairy-girls

pornvideos/handjob

pornvideos/hardcore

pornvideos/hentai

pornvideos/indian

pornvideos/interracial

pornvideos/latino

pornvideos/legs

pornvideos/lesbian

pornvideos/live-sex

pornvideos/manga

pornvideos/masturbation

pornvideos/mature

pornvideos/milf

pornvideos/orgy

pornvideos/pantyhose

pornvideos/petite

porn-movies

pornvideos/pornstar

pornvideos/porn-videos

pornvideos/reality

pornvideos/redhead

pornvideos/sex-videos

pornvideos/shemale

pornvideos/smoking

pornvideos/solo-girl

pornvideos/teen

pornvideos/tranny

pornvideos/transsexual

upskirt-panties

pornvideos/voyeur

gay-asian

gay-bear

gay-black

gay-chat

gay-college

gay-ebony

gay-free-sex

gay-hairy

gay-latino

gay-twink

gay-young

solo-guy

Posted on May 15, 2006 1:55 AM

bbn said:

vides-movies vides-movies vides-movies vides-movies vides-movies vides-movies vides-movies vides-movies vides-movies

Posted on June 26, 2006 1:19 PM

Posted on August 2, 2006 8:37 AM

JEROGatch said:

Posted on September 3, 2006 4:42 PM

fgh said:

Ebony Gay Porn Ebony hunks in uniform. Hot and hunk nude black men are waiting for you... Nude black amateur guys. Gay Black Boy A collection of some of the hottest amateur black men on the net. Hot ebony stud stripping and flashing his big cock.

href="http://black-men.zfdfs.info/mbd56.html">Massive Black Dick

Big black hard cocks. Nude well hung black studs expose all and get down and dirty in hardcore interracial sex! Black Fucking Gay Man The picture shots are taken from different angles so you can see those big black hard pricks as they ram asses, squirt cum or grabbed by groping hands. Black Man Penis See the black guys screw and blow in every position and every hole possible. Man, you can even see their faces expressing the pleasure that they experience! Black Gay Thug Video Clips Intense hardcore ebony men fucking, sucking, rimming, and ramming each other hard. Also great interracial fucking! Watch tight white boys get reamed by 10 inch black shafts! Ebony Man The large collection of nude young amateur
black boys. Photo's of black studs fucking tight asses, sucking black dick, and stroking their huge cocks! Hot Black Men Black in action. Black ebony men in hardcore gay sex action. Cumming black men with cum. Cum enjoy what they have to offer. Big Black Dicks Black men fucking white guys. Containing hot black action, subdued white guys sucking and being fucked by blacks, huge black cocks penetrating white flesh, the page is constantly updated. Big
Black Monster Cock Hot ebony men stripping. Free Images of Beautiful Black Men! Pictures of nude black African ebony males. Black Gay Anal Sex Black Gay Man pictures Horny black guys engaged in a three way oral and anal workout. Big Black Gay Dicks If gorgeous ebony studs get you as hard as a rock then pull down your pants cause you will need the space for the biggest woody you ever had. Huge Black Dicks The site background is in blue and the pictures are bigger than thumbnail size so you can really have better previews of each content. Black Gay A collection of some of the hottest amateur black men on the net. Hot ebony stud stripping and flashing his big cock. Naked Black Man cum see black men with big hard cocks. Monster big dark cocks... Pictures of Nude Black Men The picture shots are taken from different angles so you can see those big black hard pricks as they ram asses, squirt cum or grabbed by groping hands. Black Gay Man porn Beautiful Black Muscles. Ebony Gay Man Get your cowboy boots ready ‘cause we’re gonna ride some rock hard baloney to our earts content! Nude Black Man Handsome muscular hung black men who love to show off their great bodies! Big hard cocks and tight big bubble butts to cum too.
Big Black Cocks Big Black Dicks Big Black Gay Cocks Big Black Gay Dicks Big Black Men Bisexual Black Men . .
. .
. Black Gay Man Naked Black Gay Man Nude Black Gay Man pics Black Gay Man porn Black Gay Man pictures

Posted on September 6, 2006 4:30 PM

thumbcomxxx thumbcomxxx ovpcomxxx ovpcomxxx ovpcomxxx ovpcomxxx ovpcomxxx ovpcomxxx

Posted on September 18, 2006 5:43 PM

denhit-videosmovies denhit-videosmovies denhit-videosmovies denhit-videosmovies

Posted on October 8, 2006 8:20 AM

querrty said:

to pio zesto latina II paralia tainia II picture trabesti eikonidia II koilia to pio zesto II tuumat huora II com kudurdum anal II hot litt orale II prostituerte sex exstrem II smiska rumpan lesbiskt II bukkake lagsta kuken II hikaye portto II naida struttende II ponneton tytot kusta II geisha fuck II destithosgamiso sexig fitta II pen jenter skitten II naken jente fri II porn knulla rovhal II confortable infirmiere cul II fantastiquement blondes chattes II omskjert asiatisk skitten II sympatisk sykepleier puling II spaventoso piccola II riservato fighette schizzate di figa II pic kolegio film II klipaki komikos II vanlig asiatisk dubbel rovpuling II sotnos sekretar suga av den II

Posted on October 19, 2006 4:40 AM

dfc said: