This week's column
Why did I notice? Why should I care?
While I was attending Mother’s Day services at a local, historically black Baptist church, something unusual seemed to be happening one pew ahead.
As toes tapped, hands clapped and the church said Amen, a pair of young women occasionally would embrace and even hold hands.
At first, I surmised that this must be a mother and daughter. But in time it became clear that both women were nearly the same age.
At one point one woman gently laid her head on the shoulder of the other. I clutched my hymnal a little tighter. What was going on here?
I mentioned it to my sweetheart as we were later headed home. She had noticed it, too. But she didn’t appear nearly as discombobulated by it as me.
"Maybe somebody should take them aside," she said, "and explain that you don’t do that in church."
"Yeah," I said. "There's a time and a place."
Then again, I wondered later, would my attitude have been the same had that been a man and a woman in that pew? Would their simple gestures of affection have seemed so jarring and off-putting? And would I have been distracted to the point that I missed some preaching that I probably really needed?
Then the evening before suddenly came to mind. We had seen a fascinating, richly textured new film called "Crash." Directed and co-written by "Million Dollar Baby" scriptwriter Paul Haggis, "Crash" spins several separate, deeply involving vignettes that crisscross throughout the story. In each plot thread, characters often turn your first impressions of them inside-out. Just when you think you've pegged one of them, he or she does something to surprise you.
Consider an early scene, loosely paraphrased here, in which a pair of young black men played by Larenz Tate and the rapper Chris "Ludacris" Bridges are strolling through a trendy, lily-white part of Los Angeles.
Ludacris fumes that the waitress served all the white customers first.
But she was black, Tate says.
Doesn't matter, Ludacris steams. She saw we were black and figured we’d give her a small tip.
So what did you tip her? Tate says.
For that service? Ludacris replies.
Then he complains how white people grow tense as they approach on the sidewalk. You'd think we were carrying guns and were going to rob somebody, he says.
But we are carrying a gun, Tate says.
Then they proceed to car-jack a white couple’s SUV.
From that point we meet a variety of characters:
• a politically ambitious white district attorney (Brendan Fraser) and his far too tightly wound wife (Sandra Bullock);
• a black police detective (Don Cheadle) and his Latina cop girlfriend (Jennifer Esposito), whom he calls Mexican to her great irritation, since she isn't from Mexico;
• a racist white cop (Matt Dillon) who cares for his ailing father;
• a Mexican locksmith (Michael Pena) whom Bullock instantly assumes is a "gangbanger" when he's changing her home's locks;
• an Iranian immigrant (Shaun Toub) who runs a small convenience store that’s ransacked by vandals who label him an "Arab";
• a black TV director (Terrence Howard) and his wife (Thandie Newton), who suffer a wrenching indignity at Dillon's hands;
And more.
The black people are prejudiced. The white people are prejudiced. The Koreans and Iranians are prejudiced.
But for every dark thought, word or deed, nearly every character possesses redeeming virtues, a core of humanity that struggles to overcome impulses to fear what is different and judge before knowing.
Dillon tells an HMO company representative named Shaniqua that she obviously got her job over eight more qualified white men. Yet he later does something heroic and unexpected that flatly contradicts his contempt for black people.
Throughout the whole movie, characters carom into one another and change one another's lives, for better or for worse. Some grow beyond their prejudices. Some don't.
I thought about seeing that movie again. I thought about those two women in church who may or may not have been what my imagination had concocted.
I thought about my own prejudices. I thought about people who claim to be colorblind (yeah, right). I thought about how hard it is to talk about race in Greensboro. And I hoped more people would see "Crash."
There are no Jedi knights or light-saber duels. But there's plenty of force to spare.
Comments (28)
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Well Allen, what did you conclude about the women? Is your non-conclusion tolerance or are you sticking your head in the sand?
Posted on May 22, 2005 9:01 AM
Wow Allen, *whispers* lesbians openly displaying affection in the house of the Lord?
Your sweetheart imo, judged them by saying "Maybe somebody should take them aside," she said, "and explain that you don’t do that in church."?
"Yeah," I said. "There's a time and a place."
All I can say is, at least they were AT church, and probably in one where they attend regularly without people judging them. They are one up on me and probably alot of others who don't even attend church.
You are right, there is a time and a place for everything. I sure hate being out in public and listening to women scream at and hit their kids, and hearing heterosexual couples yelling and cussing each other.
Whether these girls are gay, in my opinion isn't the point. The point is they were in church, and KIND to each other. Isn't that what it's really all about?
Posted on May 22, 2005 9:47 AM
If those two women keep coming back to the same church, the preaching must not be worth a damn.
Posted on May 22, 2005 10:49 AM
Lilly,
Next time I go to a black church, I'll make sure to wear my grand wizard klan outfit. That's almost as appropriate as 2 lesbians having a love fest in the pews. It's about respect for others. Even Allen was distracted from his worship.
Posted on May 23, 2005 11:37 AM
I saw a beehive hairdo lesbine bowling team that wore shiny green jackets, they were called Lilly's Lezzies, was that you?
And when "even Allen" was distracted, you know it was bad.
Posted on May 23, 2005 1:23 PM
greg, first of all, I wish you great luck in even getting thru the door of a black church with your grand wizard klan outfit on. Although I feel sure that you would LOVE to try.
Secondly, Allen did not refer to a "love fest in the pews".
"The point is they were in church, and KIND to each other. Isn't that what it's really all about?" I stand by my original statement, and I'll keep my eyes out for YOU greg, you'll probably be the one yelling and cussing his wife in public.
Posted on May 23, 2005 1:27 PM
Nope steve that bowling team had nothing to do with me whatsoever. I'm not gay. :)
I am an advocate for ALL people.
Posted on May 23, 2005 1:29 PM
It sticks out cause the big one asked me for directions to Fuzzy's before leap-frogging into the saddle from the back of the llama.
Which commandment speaks of going off-topic?
Posted on May 23, 2005 1:46 PM
Lilly,
When you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and umption.
I'm not homophobic and I'm not in the klan. I attend a mixed race church.
I must have misinterpreted Allen's post because I thought he was saying that the two women were displaying affection that might cause attention to themselves. It certainly caused Allen some concern.
Finally, being in church and being kind is not what it is all about. Church is for learning about and worhipping God.
Posted on May 23, 2005 3:16 PM
Greg, I am not saying the behavior was all THAT demonstrative. I noticed it more probably because I sat directly behind the two young women. As for my reaction, I'm really not sure whether it was prejudice or something else. My guess it was at least in part rooted in my own prejudices.
Posted on May 23, 2005 3:21 PM
My own father who was an otherwise wonderful man would frequently use racial slurs and I've never been able to reconcile that.
The movie "Crash" sounds like it could be a starting point for a good discussion about this kind of apparent contradiction. Interestingly your blog seems to bring out the worst in what are probably otherwise good folks. How about inviting people to go see the movie and then sit down somewhere and talk about it?
Posted on May 23, 2005 5:53 PM
Ray, that's an excellent idea. We may do just that. I know some human resources folks are seeing it as groups already.
Posted on May 23, 2005 7:13 PM
Ray,
If these few playful words are what you surmise as "the worst in people", you must not get out much. Living under the power of politicians that plan our demise by the minute, living in a country where heritage is displaced and replaced by unprosecuted criminals, living under the threat of financial blackmail by Asia and Europe, living in a country that prints worthless money and starts wars with well-oiled prevarication . . THAT is the worst in people. Trying to avoid despair by humoring other enslaved cattle is a form of tolerance and brotherhood your eyes obviously need opening to.
Posted on May 23, 2005 11:57 PM
Wow. So this is where all the intensity and contentious debate is happening on the blog threads.
I didn't see this display by the two women at your church - but I have to say it doesn't sound like anything I wouldn't do with my girlfriend at church - and I'm a Catholic. Sounds like two people who have affection for one another demonstrating it without reservation. Now, if they were kissing or petting or something - I don't think it would matter their sex, it would be inappropriate.
But I think that the idea that same sex couples should hem in their level of affection in public for the comfort of heterosexuals with delicate sensibilities is a little ridiculous. Heterosexual Americans who think they still live in a country where homosexuals will and should hide who they are and how they feel for others have lost the plot.
But kudos to you for owning up to feeling this way - if only momentarily and not to your core. We don't often admit these things to ourselves. I recently admitted to my girlfriend, though I had a hard time saying it out loud, that I'm always a little shocked when I meet an out gay black man. It's a bit like seeing an Albino alligator or something - there are just so few of them that are open with their sexuality to the point you'd get it that I always do a double take. Is this because the black community is, on the whole, not a good place to be an out homosexual? I'm a white heterosexual, so I don't know. But it seems likely - and talking about it is a good first step.
Posted on May 24, 2005 8:48 AM
Thanks, Joe. That was the point I was feebly attempting to make -- that I consider myself reasonably enlightened but I still wrestle with prejudices. I guess the first step to dealing with these notions is admitting they exist. In me, they exist.
Posted on May 24, 2005 8:52 AM
I think there is a fine line between being yourself and causing your brother to stumble. Did these two women cross it? Let God be the judge on that one.
I think there is a difference between being prejudiced against someone for their skin color or age or handicap or anything else that is out of their control than there is in being prejudiced about things that are in our control. I don't want to get into an argument about whether sexuality is genetic or chosen.
But the behavior of these women in church is clearly something they can control.
If homosexuality is considered a sin in the church these folks go to, why would we look at the manifestations of this sin any differently than we look at anything else.
People don't cuss in church, smoke in church, wear Budweiser or Marilyn Manson t-shirts in church, or come in from the parking lot smelling like weed.
Maybe they should. Maybe then, people wouldn't feel like they have to pretend they are something they aren't. Maybe then people wouldn't feel like they were being hypocritical every time they entered a church door. But the point is, we do treat certain prejudices differently than others.
Posted on May 24, 2005 12:23 PM
When Cornel West came to UNCG he said something that I thought would startle the room of more than 1000 - overwhelmingly black - people in attendence.
He said what is it that makes us think, and especially makes black men and women who themselves know what it means to be discriminated against and looked down upon - think that Jesus Christ would not want us to be in solidarity with our gay brothers and lesbian sisters, who are oppressed for engaging in non-violent, non-exploitative affectionate behavior of their own choosing?
The other behaviors you're talking about - drugs, violence, aggression - are behaviors that are either illegal, destructive or designed specifically to provoke negative reactions in other people in order to make them feel a certain way. I don't know Allen's church or how strong they are on vocally opposing the practice or existence of homosexuality - but it seems to me that two gay or lesbian members of the church who respect it enough to attend, participate and contribute to its financial support should be afforded the right to display civil affection not meant to provoke any reaction whatever in other members of the church.
It's hardly their fault Allen had the reaction he did - or that any of the other people would have had similar or more negative reactions if they'd observed and digested it the same way. Encountering homosexuality and accepting that homosexuals are not only in bad areas of town doing awful things and giving the finger to traditional morality but also go to our schools and churches and play important roles in our community -- it's just the cost of doing business in modern America, and not something we should avoid like the plague.
Posted on May 24, 2005 5:30 PM
Sodomy laws are still enforced in this state, just a fact.
Posted on May 24, 2005 5:38 PM
Dang steve, there goes my chance with you. *winK*
Posted on May 24, 2005 7:53 PM
When we as heterosexuals give up all the various types of sodomy we enjoy I'll start pointing out and acknowledging the technical illegality of homosexual sodomy.
Posted on May 24, 2005 10:46 PM
I wonder is this the church where Allen's brother Nelson preaches at? You know, Rev.NELSON JOHNSON.
Posted on May 25, 2005 8:15 AM
Nelson is Allen's father. When the child support got behind, his mommy would have him put little posters on telephone poles.
Posted on May 25, 2005 10:38 AM
Joe,
So does that mean that if gay people do drugs and violence, then they are just technical illegalities for everyone else?
Posted on May 25, 2005 10:52 AM
Allen,
I know I'm on the {foul language deleted} list, but I said that because you are a good sport. Having your mom use you to get the klan to kick your dad's delinquent butt was right up my alley.
You have never been anything but nice, so I apologize. You've worked hard to get where you are.
Posted on May 25, 2005 12:04 PM
Allen, steve ain't mad at ya. He just gets a little carried away sometimes, and I "think" he's in love so he's not thinking right these days. :)
Posted on May 25, 2005 2:43 PM
Allen,
I had looked forward to this column ever since you indicated that you planned to write it.
I appreciated the personal connections you made to the movie, as well as the movie's case studies you chose to share.
You described some scenes, but I think viewers will still be left a great deal to discover from actually witnessing the nuances of how those individual situations take place on the screen.
Above, you made this comment in response to Ray Huger: "I know some human resources folks are seeing it as groups already."
Were these human resources folks all with the News & Record, or did they come from different companies and organizations?
Could you elaborate and share any details you know about how these group-viewings have been organized and conducted, as well as any follow-up that has taken place among members of these groups?
It might be fascinating for the News & Record to gather a group of diverse individuals, arrange for them to see the movie, and then facilitate a discussion among these viewers.
The "Ideas" section might even be the appropriate section through which you could share pieces of the conversation.
Or you might be able to recommend this idea for another section of the newspaper, perhaps the "Life" section.
You would not be able to guarantee the results of the conversation, but that might actually be a good reason itself to pursue this idea.
You and I seem to agree that it would be a good thing for as many people as possible to see this movie, and organizing and documenting a dialogue centered around "Crash" might serve to publicize the movie even more.
I am curious about the approaches being made by various human resources people because I would love for the Guilford County Schools (or individual schools) to organize viewings and follow-up discussions of this movie.
Although education was not directly addressed in this movie (beyond perhaps the example of the Hispanic father teaching his young daughter certain lessons), educators could benefit tremendously from seeing this movie and considering how it might relate to their personal lives and their teaching.
(Part of me would love to expose my eighth-grade students to this movie, but I'm intelligent enough to recognize that it would not be an appropriate movie for me to show since too much of its content is too mature. The play "North Star" and movies such as "Life is Beautiful," "Whale Rider," and "Once Upon A Time When We Were Colored" have served as alternative texts to which I have exposed my students instead.)
I am intrigued by the possible conversations this movie might inspire. I'd be fascinated to know how people I work with would respond to this movie. It's a wide open text, and I have no doubt that reactions to all the different situations presented would be very diverse.
Different scenes will capture different people differently, and those different reactions will no doubt depend on people's different experiences, beliefs, attitudes, and perceptions.
Looking forward to continued dialogue here . . .
Sincerely,
Hardy
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