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This week's column

The young girls and their mother gabbed loudly and endlessly as the trailers rolled at the Carousel Theatres.

No problem. As long as they cooled it when the main feature began.
No such luck.

The credits appeared. They talked on. The opening scene flickered across the screen. Big deal. They kept chattering, as if no one else was there.

Finally, I asked, politely (I have witnesses), if they wouldn't mind being a little quieter; we couldn't hear the dialogue. They minded.
No, they wouldn't be quieter, one of the girls said. The mother did nothing.

I left my seat and summoned a member of the theater's staff from the lobby.

He asked firmly but politely if the women would please keep it down. The mother protested.

Some people in the row ahead corroborated my story. They, too, had asked the woman and her daughters to be quieter.

The staff member, a young man scarcely in his 20s, didn't blink. "You will need to keep it down," he said, "or you will have to leave."

They complied, with glares and pouts, Mom included.

Suddenly we were all able to catch what Tom Hanks and Leonardo Di Caprio were saying in "Catch Me If You Can."

I recalled that incident when a recent news report noted another subpar week of Hollywood grosses. People aren't going to the movies like they used to, they say. Not even Tom Cruise or Batman or Darth Vader has been able to stop the slide.

Theater owners and studio executives frantically are trying to figure out what's wrong.

Do movies cost too much? Of course.

Are the refreshments overpriced? Absolutely.

Are the movies lousier? Oh, I don't know. I'm looking forward to Werner Herzog's documentary, "Grizzly Man," provided it ever gets here.

I enjoyed "Batman Begins," and I thought the latest "Star Wars" installment was superior to all but the first two movies.

"Crash" was provocative and unsettling, in a good way. "War of the Worlds" was fast and chaotic, as the end of the world might actually appear through the eyes of an everyman.

"The Constant Gardener" was compelling and surprising, and, by coincidence, eerily topical, tackling themes of race and poverty in the wake of Katrina.

Even "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" had a raunchy good heart.

Sure, there've been some clunkers. If I wanted to see "Bewitched" I'd watch "Nick-at-Nite." If I wanted to see "The Dukes of Hazzard" ... well, I don't.

"The Island" squandered slick effects and a big budget on a derivative, pedestrian script. They may as well have cast Gilligan.

As for the theaters themselves, they're palatial when compared to the theaters I remember as a child and the mall cracker boxes we all suffered through in the 1970s and 1980s (especially Carolina Circle Mall).

Stadium seating. Massive screens. Grander, more spacious lobbies. Surround sound. New twists to snack bar fare, including pizza, hot dogs, wine and even cappuccino.

There's still something magical about the communal experience of an event movie in a cool, dark chamber on a steamy afternoon.
But for all the new frills, the experience is not what it was. Moviegoing is a gamble these days. Will you get that rare, considerate crowd or — how to put this delicately — a roomful of self-absorbed, inconsiderate louts?

There are the familiar nuisances: people who chat on their cell phones or bring screaming infants or insist on talking when they should be listening.

Now add to the list some new aggravations: People who prop their stocking feet on the seatbacks next to you , so close to your head that if you turn too quickly you might bump the tip of your nose against somebody's big toe.

Then there are the people who incessantly kick your seat backs. Over and over, oblivious that you're bobbing to and fro as they clumsily cross and uncross their legs. Or people who bring young children to R-rated features. There oughtta be a law.

I may not be alone. In a recent Entertainment Weekly magazine poll, moviegoers blamed their growing discontent at the cinema … on other moviegoers. Forty-nine percent cited "bad manners — talking, aggressive behavior, cell phones, etc."

We are driving ourselves crazy.

Forget Surround Sound and cup holders. The problem is not the diminishing quality of the movies. It's the diminishing quality of the moviegoers.

Could someone please build a theater with ushers?

Posted by Allen Johnson on September 18, 2005 4:47 AM | Permalink

Comments (17)

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David Sullivan said:

Allen; I can top the talking/cell phone problem. We went to a movie last weekend and a man behind us had a flash light. Yes, a flash light. In a dark theater, it was like a laser beam bouncing around. Fortunately he quit playing with it when the previews began.

Posted on September 18, 2005 9:55 AM

Samuel S. Spagnola said:

Well stated, Allen. Maybe we have too much technology these days. People drive 10 mph below the speed limit and sit through light changes while gabbing on their cell phones. This kind of selfish rudeness is increasing in our society. Too many people think nothing of imposing their own schedules and personal agendas on other people, whether it be talking in a theater as you mentioned or driving on the streets.

As far as movies go, Roger Ebert makes the point that the problem with Hollywood is that the moviemakers skew their demographics towards teens and young adults. As a result, we get eye candy over substance. Ebert says that Hollywood does not make movies for adults anymore. There is only so much money for kids to spend, so too many movies are competing for the same dollars.

I like a good action flick as much as the next person, but I think Ebert has a point.

Posted on September 18, 2005 2:31 PM

Missy said:

Every weekend, we lament the fact that Greensboro lacks an indie or art house theatre, so we have to drive to Chapel Hill or further to see films which will never be screened here.

My question: Could someone open an indie theatre in Greensboro, please?

PS - The Janus became an art house theatre, but then was torn down to make room for condos that were never built. Anyone know what happened there?

Posted on September 18, 2005 4:29 PM

mrproduce said:

Hit jest shows to go that them youngens didn't got no raisin or larning and neither did thar momma. Musta been jest yanked up without no raisin. Now that be sorta lak biskits without no bakin powders when thar warnt no self risin flar.
Them kina folk always is gonna be sorta flat an hard an bout alls ye kin do wif em are pitchem out.

Posted on September 18, 2005 11:42 PM

Jason Clarke said:

I've stopped going to the Carousel because it seems like the entire place smells like a bathroom. I can understand smelly hallways, but the stench pervades the individual theaters, too. The whole place is just gross, and I'd feel like that even if I were the only one in the whole place. Once you add other people, forget about it; I'm going to stay at home and rent.

Posted on September 19, 2005 10:23 AM

Buckmtn said:

Sounds like some of those good for nothing, non-disciplined kids that roam the halls of your nearest Guilford County school.

Did you try reasoning with them and understanding their problems as Dot Kearns would say?

Posted on September 19, 2005 10:26 AM

Heck Buckmtn, hit ain't jest them thar kids whut go to yourns skools. Hit are da same everwhar. Youngen got no raisen these days fer the most part cauze most uv ems folks aint got none neither er fergot whut raisen they did have. Theys figre theys got to let them yungens do ther thang, so fer da yungnes hit are anythang gos.

Posted on September 19, 2005 3:11 PM

Tony Ledford said:

Jason, it is interesting that you would mention the smell.

You may or may not know that the folks that owned the Janus are the ones who own the Carousel Grande Cinema. And the Janus used to smell the same way.

Weird, huh?

And Missy, the Carousel Grande is the closest thing to an art house cinema that Greensboro has for the very same reason; it isn't part of a theater chain and neither was the Janus (it is a family named Bennett that owned the Janus and now owns the Carousel Grande).

Here are my ideas for an art cinema for Greensboro:

1. Get Adam's Bookstore on Tate Street to move elsewhere and sell the old Cinema Theater building to someone who will develop it into an arthouse cinema. (God only knows how much money it would take to get it back into shape, but it, too, was an arthouse cinema in the '70s, when it was owned by the self-same Bennett family and was called "Wings." Prior to that, it was privately owned and called the "Cinema Theater" and was mostly second-run films.) Parking would be a challenge at this theater.
2. Get whats-his-name (can't remember) to move the "N Club" to somewhere other than the old Center Theater building and restore the Center to a working arthouse theater. (Again, God knows how much it would cost.) Parking would *NOT* be an issue here as long as someone could walk a bleeding block.
3. Someone could buy the vacant Quaker Village Cinema near Guilford College. I understand all the seats have been removed, but they were godawful anyway.

If I had a few hundred-thousand dollars to fritter away, I'd be sorely tempted.

:-)

Regards,
Tony

Posted on September 19, 2005 3:13 PM

Allen Johnson said:

Sadly, many of the problems I cited involved full-fledged adults, or reasonable facsimiles thereof.

Posted on September 19, 2005 3:14 PM

Tony: Thanks for the info.

Guilford College/Quaker Village would be a great location. There's already Bistro Sofia, Cafe D'Arté and Revival Grill. An indie theatre (and a wine bar located close by!) would be perfect there.

Investors, are you listening??? :)

Posted on September 19, 2005 3:28 PM

Greymatter said:

Somehow I'm sure this is related to race, right? Maybe this child didn't get that million dollar diversity training yet from the GUilford Co. Schools.

Posted on September 19, 2005 5:12 PM

No racial angle so far as I can see. Can't blame this one on Grier.

Posted on September 19, 2005 5:18 PM

What, no art theater in the metropolis of G'boro. Heck even here in the sticks of WNC (Tryon) we have a great little theater that shows both the boxoffice type stuff and also the films that would never make it in the boxoffice world. The place is packed nearly every night. One of the reasons is that it doesn't break the budget to go to the movie and they don't have $4.50 popcorn either. Guess, we is up in this world huh.

Posted on September 19, 2005 7:48 PM

To their credit, the Carousel folks still bring in the majority of "art" films and documentaries around here, just as they did at the Janus. Part of the question, I'd guess, is whether audiences reward this commitment and turn out to see them. Otherwise we deserve what we get: "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" on a dozen screens.

Posted on September 19, 2005 8:02 PM

truth said:

I stay away from theatres because of the cost and my shrinking bladder. There's nothing worse than having to decide between missing 3 minutes of Vader or taking a much-needed pee.

Posted on September 23, 2005 1:19 PM

Thanks for sharing that, I think. (I'm sure the Godzilla-sized drinks they sell at the concession stand don't help.)

Posted on September 23, 2005 1:48 PM

bbn said:

Posted on August 2, 2006 10:04 AM

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This week's column

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