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Not gonna do it ... wouldn't be prudent: My not-to-do list

Some of the things on my not-ever-to-do list:

1. Pierce any part of my anatomy.
2. Tattoo any part of my anatomy.
3. But a cell phone.
4. Buy an ear-clip cell phone ("Hailing frequencies open, Captain."
5. Buy a lottery ticket.
6. Watch an entire episode of "American Idol."
7. Bungee jump.
8. Chew tobacco.
9. Smoke a cigarette.
10. Rock climb.
11. Write an anonymous letter to anybody's editor.
12. Wear an earring.
13. Listen to Mike Savage scream to himself on talk radio on a Friday night.
14. Buy a designer dog.
15. Wear sandals.
16. Drive a Hummer.
17 Wear a Speedo.
18. Read the Enquirer.
19. Stereoptype someone because he's a Republican or Democrat.
20. Park in a handicapped spot.
21. Shortchange a church collection plate.
22. Vote any party's straight ticket.
23. Wear dress shoes and black socks with shorts. Never ever. If I live to be 200.


Comments (5)

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Jim Langer said:

Allen, you should come to a talk by our library director at GC sometime. Christine Whittington is an author and expert on tattoos. She's giving one of her entertaining and enlightening presentations today at 2 PM, in fact, for parents and students.
It's titled, "Holier Than Thou: Tales of Tattooing and Piercing".
I notice you reiterate your aversion to ear piercing, particularly. In the Renaissance, it was all the rage for the upper crust!

Allen Johnson said:

Jim:
I missed today's session. But maybe I'll take you up on that suggestion, and attend a future presentation. But she'll have to give helluva talk to change my mind about poking holes in my body and etching pictures on it. But, hey, who knows? I once wore cornrows.

Jim Langer said:

Despite your brave siding with the cause of would-be gay recruits, is it possible there is some lingering fear having earrings would be too "effeminate" on you? I find everyone is absolutely insistent we should outfit our baby girl in pink princess garb and room decoration. I find the colors garish and not a little pepto-bismol. Plus, babies only see black and white for some time. I would be not be atonished to find that if she isn't over-exposed to the Disneyfied, bubble-gum world of Barbie-dumb(dom), she might well prefer plum and forest green, or mustards and soft rusty browns...

Allen Johnson said:

On the earrings, nah, they're not too effeminate. They're just not me. Heck, pirates wore 'em.

Jim Langer said:

R

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