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Please don't laugh when I say this, but the fact that the Atlanta Braves are cruising toward yet another division title is a shock to me. I really, really, really did think that this was the year when the empire at The Ted finally crumbled. Instead, somehow it has reinvented itself and chugged on.

Which leaves me with a dilemma ...

Only in America. Where else can you make a cool profit off of someone's hurt feelings?

That's what a company called Colossoul Designs is doing. They've created a t-shirt in the wake of Ricky Williams' sudden retirement from the Miami Dolphins. According to the company's press release, the t-shirt has "A doctored picture of Ricky Williams smoking a hand rolled cigarette." Oh, and it also features an obscenity directed at Williams. Three guesses as to what it is ...

You probably haven't noticed because his team is 30 games under .500, but Ichiro of the Seattle Mariners -- you've got to love guys who are good enough to go by one name on first reference -- is having an incredible year. He batted .463 in August and a pedestrian .432 in July. And .400 in May. He has 214 hits through Wednesday's game in Toronto and is on pace to break George Sisler's record of 257 hits in a season. He's a unique player. Few hit the ball harder than Ichiro, but his work is limited almost exclusively to singles. Former UNC star Brian Roberts (.282 on the year) actually has more extra-base knocks than Ichiro (43 to 34). What strikes you about this guy?

Deion Sanders is being paid $2 million to return to the NFL. It's probably a positive development for TV viewers who believed Sanders' suits drowned out his pedestrian commentary on CBS' NFL pregame show.

But is it a good move for the Baltimore Ravens? Can a 37-year-old who's been out of the league for three years make much of an impact as a nickelback? Forgive me for being a little skeptical about the return of "Prime Time." He wasn't exactly setting the world on fire -- or tackling anyone -- with the Redskins when he first retired.

If you haven't already, make sure to check the News & Record's new and improved page for high school sports, The Final Cut. It's got a little of everything for the discerning high school fan.

There are huge linemen with small little brothers and even tinier snakes. High schoolers weigh in on the local football team that will make the biggest turnaround. We take a look at tonight's marquee matchup in football and Kellie Dixon provides the news and notes you've come to know and love.

So grab the News & Record sports section and see which high school athletes made The Final Cut.

Terry Holland seems to have made another bizarre career choice, as he's reportedly about to be introduced as East Carolina's new athletics director. Not long ago, he was an AD of an ACC school with a much larger budget. I realize he was unfulfilled as a fundraiser for UVa's basketball-arena project. But ECU seems a strange career move, at least to me.

Am I right? Can he help make ECU more than a baseball school -- the billboard outside my window reminds me that's what the Pirates think of themselves -- and do anything that would successfully revive the football program? (Chances are, he won't land Al Groh for this job.) Or is this more about being close to his Clinton home and maybe a beach house as retirement approaches?

Interesting thing about baseball records. In some cases, they go unappreciated if they're so astronomical that they never get threatened. Take George Sisler, for example. The guy got 257 hits in 1920, and because so few have come close since, Sisler remains a mystery to most fans. Now that Ichiro is on pace to break a mark set before the creation of television, we start hearing Sisler's name.
By the way, he was known as Gorgeous George, and he was born in Ohio in 1893.
Likewise, Hank Aaron is -- for now --- more famous for hitting No. 715 to break Babe Ruth than he was for his final blast, No. 755. Everybody has seen footage of 715. But how about the last one? That won't become a magic number -- and Aaron won't begin to get the credit he deserves -- until and unless Barry Bonds, who drops hints of retirement every so often, gets near it.

Ok, granted, we can pretty much all agree that Serena Williams got jobbed on that call during her quarterfinal match against Jennifer Capriati. And hopefully we can all agree that Serena was going a bit overboard when she declared that the errant umpire was "anti-Serena."

But what do you think of the concept of instant replay in tennis? Would it be a help or a hindrance?

And while we're at it, whatever happened to Cyclops, the machine that used to automatically call the lines on serves?

OK, we've gotten used to the ridiculous Super Bowl halftime shows, which had featured overhyped, embarrassingly bad pop-music acts long before last year's "wardrobe malfunction."

But, do we have to be subjected to these horrible mini-concerts on opening night, too? Talk about an unwanted distraction from what should be a great game between Indianapolis and New England. I'll be kind and call this an "eclectic" mix: Elton John, Lenny Kravitz, Destiny's Child (better known as Beyonce and a couple of no-names) and Jessica Simpson.

Maybe it'll help the NFL make inroads into the all-important 15- to 17-year-old female demographic. At least we can assume that's what their marketing consultants have told them.

Unless Frances returns for an encore, or Ivan arrives early, we're set to see the first playing of the ACC title game when Florida State and Miami square off tonight. For the past 15 years or so, this game has almost always been huge, with national title implications.

But here in the heart of the ACC, I'm wondering what this game means for fans. Does this feel like a big conference game to you, the way a Duke-Maryland (or this year, a UNC-Wake) game would in basketball?

I'm not sure how I feel ...

As some of you may know, and the others may be shocked to learn, I am a devoted fan of the University of South Carolina (the USC). I didn't attend school there, but I grew up in South Carolina, where one is forced at birth to choose sides - Clemson or South Carolina, orange or garnett. I went with my maternal Grandmother, a Gamecock tried and true.

Why all the background? ...

Listening to Dan Reeves call the UNC-Virginia game reminds me of how Truman Capote must have felt in the fantastic film, "Murder By Death," where Peter Sellers' character -- who's Chinese and butchers English syntax -- finally drives him to the brink of insanity, and to exclaim: "Say your &@*%#! adverbs!"

At least 4 times, Reeves has referred to former UVa quarterback Matt Schaub as Matt SCHWAB. He's not an investment banker. He's just one of the best QB's in UVa football history. When Bill Dooley butchered names on the air -- like calling UVa QB Bobby Goodman "Benny Goodman" repeatedly -- it seemed somewhat endearing. This just seems disrespectful.

Now that we're in the football season across the board -- high schools, colleges, NFL -- we're going to be inundated with timeless classics of coaching cliches. Some of them are actually true.
Then again, there's the dictum that says, "You make your greatest improvement between the first and second game of the season." Fans of UNC and N.C. A&T had better hope that's false in the case of their teams.
"You play as you practice," is another favorite. But think about it: How often have you heard coaches express surprise at a game performance by saying, "We practiced great; I don't know what happened today." One tends to contradict the other.
"Special-teams breakdowns are especially common in September." Now that one's true. Witness the Oregon State kicker who missed three PATs in one game. Or the Clemson long-snapper who one-hopped the ball to his punter, handing Georgia Tech a wacky win on Saturday. Or the Wake Forest punt that got swatted out of the end zone for a safety at Clemson.
What are some of your favorite examples of coachspeak?

A lot went wrong for the Carolina Panthers in their 24-14 loss to Green Bay on Monday night. Potentially, Steve Smith's broken leg, suffered while being tackled in the fourth quarter, could've been the worst of it.

This has become a passing offense, and Smith is the main target. While it's too early to say how long the receiver's out, chances are it'll be at least half the season, probably more.

How tough will it be for the Panthers to score points without Smith in there and to keep defenses from loading up against the run?

Remember when MTV actually showed music videos, instead of Real World-Kernersville marathons?

Sadly, ESPN appears to be heading in the same direction. Just watched another painful episode of Sportscenter-Kuwait which, regardless of your political persuasion, is incredibly gimmicky and grating. (Steve Levy's attempts to play to the crowd are just painful). And Dream Job season II started, with contestants doing low-rent imitations of their Sportscenter anchors ...

As I write this, the NHL officially begins its lockout. When will it end? Six months? Twelve? Eighteen? Does it matter?

I've been a hockey fan since the glory days of Rod Langway, Bengt Gustafsson and Lou Franceschetti in Washington 20 years ago, and I hate to see the league try to destroy itself from within yet again.

Owners agreed to a self-destructive collective bargaining agreement in 1994, and now the players refuse to allow the league to fix its economic system and save itself. After all, that might mean a paycut from their $1.8 million salaries (on average). Unions don't want to establish that precedent.

That much we know. The question is, which one - Ohio, or N.C. - will emerge victorious on Saturday afternoon.

I'll admit, I'm a bit stumped. Here's what's throwing me off. Yes, Ohio State is ranked in the top-10. But early-season rankings are meaningless and last week's last-second win over Marshall was hardly awe-inspiring. Then again, the Buckeyes during the Jim Tressel era have raised winning ugly to an art form.

As for the Wolfies ...

In football, the most scrutinized of our sports, one early-season game can change perceptions in a hurry.
The North Carolina Tar Heels were dead. Destined to whack their coach before season's end. Now they have at least bought John Bunting some time.
The Carolina Panthers were dead. They sank even deeper underground when Stephen Davis joined Steve Smith on the injured list. But then they pulled off an upset at Kansas City, putting a hold on season obituaries.

You can be pretty certain the rest of the major conferences -- the ACC included -- will take a look at the success or failure of the Big Ten's replay policy, which differs from the NFL version in two key aspects: 1) Coaches have no say in what is reviewed; replay officials stationed in the press box make the calls on what to make the calls about. 2) There is no limit to the number of plays that can be questioned. The same standard for overturning a call -- an obvious on-field error -- exists in the two systems.
What do you think of instant replay in college football?

It looks like the Oakland Raiders may have found their next big-play receiver Sunday ... and in the most unlikely place: Ronald Curry.

The former UNC quarterback (and point guard) caught 5 passes for 89 yards and scored his first NFL touchdown, then had an impressive high jump into the crowd. That just demonstrated the amazing athleticism that seems to have gone to waste for a few years in Chapel Hill and a few more in Oakland.

So, forget trying to make him a quarterback, defensive back or kick returner. It looks like, at 25, Curry has found his niche at wide receiver. Is he for real? Should we all go pick him up for our fantasy-league teams?

I was driving through the Triangle yesterday, listening to its sports radio station, WRBZ, when its host, Chris Clark, brought up an interesting question.

Why was America so upset when our group of millionaire athletes lost in Olympic basketball, but so relatively quiet when our group of millionaire athletes lost in the Ryder Cup. Why were some people actively rooting against the hoops Dream Team, but not against its golfing counterpart?

Clark's theory? ...

.... that it would take Virginia Tech a year or two in order to become a relevant player in ACC football. So far, the Hokies look pretty solid already, having been done in by a curious offensive-interference call against USC and having overwhelmed their two subsequent foes. Now N.C. State, which likes to think of itself as a big-time program, goes to Blacksburg. The Wolfpack, 17-15 in the ACC in the Chuck Amato era, could use a road win in league play in order to legitimize itself.

What do you think of the new name of Greensboro's minor-league baseball team? Do you like it or not?

So what do you think of the new name of Greensboro's minor-league baseball team? Good, bad or indifferent?

A great closer can take baseball teams a long way in the postseason. Just look at Mariano Rivera. He saved 23 straight playoff games before that Luis Gonzalez blooper in Game 7 of the 2001 World Series, and the Yankees were nearly unbeatable during that stretch.

But we've also seen closers have huge seasons only to fall flat in October, often because of burnout or an inability to get it done on the big stage. Or both, as was the case with Mitch Williams in '93, which I still haven't gotten over.

In the past few days, we've seen John Smoltz blow a save and get tagged for five runs. Keith Foulke blew saves on consecutive nights (though the Sox still won). And even Rivera blew one.

Here's a hypothetical scenario for you:

A pitcher intentionally throws at a batter, causing a brawl in which two other players are injured and miss the rest of the season. The team punishes its pitcher. Major League Baseball takes a pass.

Sound bizarre? Apparently not, if you're a NASCAR official ...

Free advice to college coaches faced with the prospect of playing overtime on the road: Avoid it. There have been nine OT games involving Division I-A teams so far in 2004, and the home team has won seven of them.
It's time for the NCAA to change its OT rule to conform to the NFL standard. Play it out. If 15 extra minutes fail to resolve the matter, call it a draw. If the rationale for the current system is the welfare of the student-athlete, why did some teams play 14 games last year? Why did everybody play 12 instead of 11?

Maybe Joe Gibbs and Bill Parcells should have found a tennis court -- or squash court, chess board, whatever -- on which to do battle last night since the Redskins-Cowboys game at FedEx Field was overhyped as Gibbs vs. Parcells.

Singling out individual matchups before a game can be fun. And when it's two coaching heavyweights, I guess it's hard to resist, especially when there are so few credible offensive players on the field for either team.

But Gibbs outcoached himself more than he was outcoached by Parcells.

It's been two weeks since the NHL began its lockout and the worst possible scenario for hockey appears to be unfolding - apathetic silence. At least when MLB and the NBA had their labor issues, there was moral outrage expressed by the public, against both sides. People were ticked, but they cared. The NHL's problems appear - at least south of the Mason-Dixon line - to have slid right on by public interest, lost in the midst of college and pro football and the race for the playoffs in baseball.

Does anyone out there care anymore about the NHL - except you, Jeff Carlton - and if so, how would you fix this mess? Yes, contraction is an option.

I always thought it cruel irony that major league baseball fled my hometown of Washington -- technically, I grew up across the river in Alexandria, Va. -- the year I was born. I could read about the long-gone Senators, but never see them in person.

Now it's time to trade in the Expos for Senators III. On visits to my old home, I'll be able to see the Nats at RFK, then at a new ballpark in what surely will become a revitalized section of D.C. And I don't care if it's a team with little talent beyond Jose Vidro. That'll change eventually, and I'm patient. It'll give me time to get over my painful, lifelong devotion to the Phillies.

But, I'm still willing to entertain the debate: Does Washington deserve a third try at big-league baseball?