NUFC 2: Dover
In the spirit of MMA, my new favorite sport, I bring you NASCAR Ultimate Fighting Championship 2: Dover:
Denny Hamlin vs. Kyle Petty
Hamlin wrecks Petty, then the wily veteran ties up the youngster and drops some bombs on his face mask. (The play-by-play is here.)
Winner: Petty in the second round by knockout
NASCAR vs. Carl Edwards
Carl Edwards flies away from the field. Then it turns out the rear of Edwards' car was too short. Expect Edwards to lose some points tomorrow.
Winner: NASCAR by first-round submission (rear naked choke)
(P.S.: Dustin Long predicted on Saturday that NASCAR penalities might play a key role in this year's Chase. No, Dustin will not predict next week's lottery numbers.)
Martin Truex vs. Dover International Speedway
Truex dominated their match back in June. This time, though, Dover's strikes and ground game were dominant and left Truex's car as a smoking wreck in the garage.
Winner: The track by TKO in the third
Bill Weber vs. a TV career
Once upon a time Bill Weber anchored NBC's NASCAR coverage for the second half of the Cup season. When NBC ditched racin', Weber washed up on the shores of TNT, where he gets six races a year. As I'm flipping channels yesterday, I come across a tape of one of these races. It's great stuff - kind of a combination of motocross, the Craftsman Truck Series and monster trucks, with a little night race at Bristol thrown in. But that voice ... yep, Webber. You can smell it from a mile away. The guy I felt sorry for was Wally Dallenbach. He deserves better than Antelope Valley.
The winner: Webber's TV career tapped out in the first.
NASCAR vs. football
ESPN was supposed to be NASCAR's savior in the fall, especially as racin' tries to go toe-to-toe with college football and the NFL. But ESPN is 90 percent football these days and 10 percent everything else, including NASCAR. Pity poor baseball, too, which is in the middle of a pennant race. They aren't getting much love either.
Winner: Football by forfeit