News-Record.com

Ever seen that reality show, "Extreme Makeover?"

It seems Guilford, the uniform-wearing insect (center) who serves as the mascot of the Greensboro Grasshoppers, could've been a guest on the show over the off season. He unveiled his "fresh" new look (right) Monday at NewBridge Bank Park in the Hoppers' home opener.

The question around the water cooler the next day: "Did you SEE the new Grasshopper?"

The answers: "Ughhh, yeah." "I like the old one better." "It doesn't even LOOK like a Grasshopper." "Why'd they change it?"

The question I wanted to know: What happened to GiGi (left), presumably Guilford's main squeeze for several years running, and Timmy (too shy for pictures), who seemed a little slow but was OK with being the third wheel?

The official word from the Grasshoppers is this:

"The 2008 season will see Guilford take the lone reigns [SIC] over mascot duties at the ballpark with GiGi and Timmy finding alternate employment. Gigi, who unfortunately is allergic to dogs, moved to Grasshoppers Island in Australia and became a local tour guide. Timmy decided to stay local and will be working with students around the Triad as a staff member of the Bryan Family YMCA. Timmy will work with a variety of activities for the YMCA and will still be active throughout the Greensboro area."

Now, I don't like to gossip or start any rumors, but this story bugs me. (Yes, pun intended.)

See, I've been to Australia, and there's no Grasshoppers Island. I think it's a cover-up.

I think Guilford was gone for his fancy makeover too long. GiGi got tired of waiting on her beau, and Timmy started looking pretty good. (Frankly, he's a hunk compared to the new Guilford.)

And, of course, Guilford's the star, so he got them both axed.

Now, I can't prove it. But if you see any turtles with fuzzy red hair or any larvae with goofy grins around town, you'll know I'm right.