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When I graduated from NCSU I had been in a relationship for two years. I received my dream job offer making video games for a company in California. Of course I packed up and bolted down I-40. I was in a different place in my life at that age, and now I would be more inclined to pass up some things if I found the right person. But if it is the right person you shouldn't have to give up the things that you want the most, right? You work as a team and do your best to make sure both people's dreams and goals are fulfilled.

I myself turned down my dream job once, but it wasn't for someone I was dating. I knew the minute I left the final interview that opportunity was just that--a dream. And, later when a job comparable to my dream job came up, I was out of the door only looking back missing a few really good friends.

If I had just met someone before I made my move, I'd still move and I wouldnt think of asking the other person to relocate for me. If you're young and you're passing up a dream opportunity for someone you have just met and have a vague liking for, I think you're crazy.

So when is it appropriate to factor a relationship into your school or career decisions or other key life choices? Is it six months? A year? Two years? How serious does the relationship have to be?

I'm not sure there's a standard rule to apply on time dating and willingness to relocate.

Too many factors to consider - why the move, for how long, where to, and opportunity to continue in a chosen field come to mind as variables.

Ultimately, any relationship is about happiness. And if it makes you happy, then do it. If you're not sure, then you probably shouldn't go.

I'm hearing Wingfella over here - you can't really have a quantitative "when" for when a relationship becomes the defining thing about your life. I think sticking with what makes you happy is a good rule to follow, but you can always end up passing on some good opportunities for a relationship that sours or passing up some good leads for a job that'll wear you down in the end. Depending on how good your relationship radar is, you'll probably be more confident in the move you make.

People who won't split up a relationship for a plum job tend to care *most* about being with someone else, and see the day job as just that. Most younger folks I know are a little commitment-phobic and'd be likely to bolt if good work came up.

Ginger,

I think part of the problem these days is something Mr. Bear alluded to: a general fear of settling down among young people. Not to sound like a Puritan, but people have taken the ethos of the sexual revolution and applied it to dating in general: no annoying personality quirk is overlookable, and there's no pasture that isn't greener than the one you're grazing in now. Speaking generally, the young are commitment-phobic -- partly because of their careers or families or what have you, but partly because many are always on the lookout for something better. We're a nation of Nick Hornby protagonists.

And, hey, if that's what makes you happy, more power to you. Mobility is a park of being a young American. But I think that the young are frequently too quick to dismiss fruitful pairings because shacking up just isn't what you do anymore -- leaving many, long after the supposed dream job is gone, lamenting the one who got away.

All that said, these things do vary on a case-by-case basis, and it doesn't seem unreasonable to give up a short-term relationship for something that's been a long-term goal. I'd probably do so myself. But it's not as unreasonable to want to stay with the fella as social mores would have you think. Deep down, I suspect, you likely know that -- otherwise, you wouldn't feel guilty about it.

That should, of course, say "mobility is a PERK of being a young American."