Breaking up, digital style
Breaking up in the digital age isn't easy.
There aren't just boxes of stuff to sort through or debates over which books and CDs belong to whom. What if you share a blog? An e-mail address? Computer files? Your laptop? Or a Web site?
I was talking to a good friend recently who made a joint e-mail address with her boyfriend when they moved in together. Let's call them John and Jane, to protect their identities.
They started a blog, chronicling their adventures together. They got engaged and created a wedding Web site.
Then they split up. Suddenly JohnandJane@EmailAddress.com wasn't such an appealing alias. Posts on the blog became bitter, and the site fizzled and died. And the wedding Web site? Yeah, so much for that idea.
Meanwhile, John and Jane were wrangling over digital files. Whose TV shows were on whose computer? Had they shared e-mail passwords? What saved personal information was in the wrong place? And how to notify all their friends of new e-mail addresses and outposts on the Web.
The whole thing made me realize how much more complicated the ritual of returning stuff becomes when you throw the Web into the mix.
Have you ever been through a hassle like this? How have you handled the division of stuff when you've split up from people?
Comments (5)
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Reason No. 9 on why I'm glad I'm not techno-savvy.
It's bad enough getting back T-shirts that were adopted as favorites after relationships have ended.
Posted on August 8, 2007 11:45 AM
Who the hell makes a joint e-mail address with their significant other?
Posted on August 8, 2007 12:53 PM
Hey Wait:
I thought that was pretty weird, too.
Married couples apparently do so with some frequency, although I find that a lot less weird than people who are living together or just engaged sharing e-mail accounts. Check out this story from this week's Wall Street Journal:
http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB118617307271187661.html?mod=blogs
An interesting tidbit from near the end of the article:
Marriage counselors say they're increasingly hearing couples vent about electronic clashes. More than that, they say, the inherent solitude of Web surfing -- keeping tastes in music, movies and literature locked on their own computers instead of visible on the bookshelf -- sometimes adds to intimacy problems. "People have grown up in a more isolated world, so that coming together to share domestic life is a bit more difficult," says Danille Drake, a marriage counselor in suburban Washington.
Of course, sharing can create its own problems in the event a couple breaks up. Peggy and Michael Andrzejczyk, a recently divorced Detroit-area couple, are feeling the digital fallout. Peggy, 50, and Michael, 49, are still using their joint email address, although it's meant they've had to see each other's online dating alerts. They split amicably, Ms. Andrzejczyk says, but it was still strange when he remarked on her potential dates: "That's a little uncomfortable, when your soon-to-be ex-husband says, 'Hey, there's nice guys on there. I like Number Three.'"
Posted on August 8, 2007 3:52 PM
what is the purpose of having a joint account?
Posted on August 8, 2007 4:34 PM
Hi there Mia -
I think some people have joint accounts so they can send news about their households - sort of like some families send out paper newsletters.
Others, it seems, have joint accounts for e-mailing with other couples.
As for my John and Jane, well, I think they thought it would be cute to share an e-mail account. They each had their own accounts, still, for work. But they'd e-mail their close friends from the joint account to share news and make plans to go out.
It's not something I would ever want to do. If a guy I was dating asked me to share an e-mail account with him, I'd probably be worried that he thought I was sneaking around and wanted to keep tabs on me.
Posted on August 8, 2007 5:06 PM