Hey, you, I don't like your boyfriend!
Ever had a close friend whose partner or spouse you just can't stand?
In college, I dated a guy for more than a year and felt like my friends always were a little stand-offish with him. When we broke up - after he cheated on me and stole money from me (yeah, this one was a real winner) - I found out that my friends had hated him all along. They tried to be tolerant and supportive, but hanging around the guy just gave them the creeps.
I thought about this yesterday, when a caller to one of my favorite radio shows asked how she could run a background check on her close friend's fiance. She didn't trust the guy and was worried about her friend's well-being.
I'm guilty of doing things like that. Maybe it's the once-burned, twice-shy thing. When my friends start dating new guys - particularly ones who rub me the wrong way or strike me as a little sketchy - I can't help hopping on Google, taking a tour of MySpace and checking out public records online to make sure my fears aren't justified.
Yeah, it's sort of passive aggressive. After all, I could just tell my friends that I'm not a really big fan of their current boy toys. But something always keeps me from being that blunt.
What would you do if a close friend was dating a guy, or girl, who turned you off or made your skin crawl a little bit? Would you tell them how you feel? Or would you just stay out of things?
Comments (4)
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I'm usually blunt unless a friend is completely smitten. Then i just wait for them to have an arguement and thats when i say something.
Posted on August 31, 2007 8:14 AM
It's hard not to be passive agressive about it all, but I guess it depends on the friend.
If it's someone who's had some trouble in the past sometimes you want them to be happy so much it's tough to be critical (though I suppose it should be easier if they've had their share of lemons).
I'm guilty of waiting for a rough patch to voice my concerns sometimes. It's tough because it's something that needs doin' early, but usually folks are most smitten in the early phases and unwilling to listen.
Posted on August 31, 2007 10:13 AM
I've never cyber-stalked a friend's boyfriend, but I always check out guys when I start dating them. All I found on my boyfriend was traffic violations -- including an alarming number of tickets for not wearing a seatbelt that I still nag him about.
The closest I get to judging my friends' partners is trying to encourage a little critical thinking. I'll say "so-and-so did x. Would you put up with that from me?"
I've had friends weigh in on my current, slightly unconventional relationship and whether they turn out to be right or not, I don't appreciate it now.
Posted on August 31, 2007 10:29 AM
Unsolicited advice is rarely welcome. If you're truly interested in a friend's situation and future, you'll just tell them straight.
As for the rough patch thing, I think that's how guys tend to break it to friends that they think their current girlfriend is a Psycho Hose Beast. I have.
Posted on August 31, 2007 11:31 AM