Unspoken intentions
I was having dinner earlier this week with some friends who are now engaged.
I found out after they started dating that I had been on dates with him. I knew that he and I had gone out to dinner, had drinks, gone to movies, hung out at his place, the works. I knew he liked me -- I mean, I liked him too, that's why we spent all this time together.
What I didn't grasp -- at all-- was that he dug me. I heard from a common friend months into the couple's relationship about how frustrated he would be after hanging out with me. He told our friend that everything would be going great, then I would fall asleep on his couch or the movie would end and I'd take off.
Seeing him again makes me wonder about all of the couples who remain unrequited because there was no spunky little hermit crab to intervene and orchestrate a kiss.
Now, if I'm making the first move, there is never a question a move has been made. I can't think of a time I have wondered whether someone got my meaning. But there are those of you out there who have played it close to the vest or waited for the other person to make the move. Did it work out in the end?
Comments (4)
To report abuse of the comment feature on this site, please use the feedback form at the bottom of any page.
As with all things love-ish, I think it's just about time and timing.
If it didn't work out, it didn't work out for some reason.
Hindsight may make you smack your forehead for some of those instances where you didn't pick up on the wanting or didn't make the move.
I figure that's just for the better, anyway.
Posted on August 17, 2007 3:43 PM
Paradoxically, the less there seems to be at stake, the more willing I am to make an obvious move. In other words, the more I like the guy, the more likely I am to wait for him to make a move, rather than proactively seek out possible rejection.
Obviously, this is a terrible dating strategy, but we dysfunctional people still manage to find each other somehow, I suspect.
Posted on August 17, 2007 5:09 PM
Lucy, I think you're making a mighty stretch to equate conservative and dysfunctional. And it worked for my friend, just not with me, so I think calling it "a terrible dating strategy" is pretty harsh, too.
It sounds like I make decisions the same way that you do, it's just that I usually don't think there's much at stake in making a sexual advance. Fish in the sea, catch and release, all that. And the pool of men I want to sleep with is so vastly much smaller than the pool of men I want to hang out with that if I get rejected, I still have plenty of pals to watch football with.
But the thing is, somebody has to make a move sometime. Has anybody done something to nudge a more conservative date along? Like, for example, my tried-and-true: "Let's do some shots."
Posted on August 19, 2007 1:47 PM
I'm with Lucy here when it comes to making a move.
I'll stew for months over someone I'm really interested in, never really letting on how I feel and just hoping he'll initiate something.
But if it's a guy I'm just mildly into, who might be fun for one night or a brief fling, I'm totally in charge and willing to control the situation.
Another problem, though, is that I just tend to be oblivious. I'm sure there have been a lot of potential date opportunities that I've simply missed, because I'm too dense to realize that a guy really is interested in more than just my friendship.
I think it comes with the territory - I tend to hang out with guys who are bookworms or pop culture nerds who spent most of high school and college in the DJ booth or working at the newspaper, and I think many of them don't have the chutzpah to approach a girl - even one they know well - and actually express their feelings.
Too many times being shot down as a nerd in high school, I guess.
Posted on August 20, 2007 7:59 AM