What happens when it's too comfy?
A few weeks back my friend Doug was talking about how there always seems to be a sticking point in his past relationships where things just get too familiar - same thing, night in, night out, day in, day out.
Not that it's a bad relationship, but that there seems to be a case of the doldrums. It's not boredom, he said, it's just that things have gotten too routine.
Then I thought about couples that seem to be happy are ones that do stuff all the time - go out to a different place, try new things together, get into new stuff.
Doug and his girl will spend Saturdays doing what they like - he goes racing, she goes to yard sales and such - and then get back together. Another couple I know does a new activity together on a weekend every month or so. Stuff like climbing, yoga, tennis and such.
And there's the old bed & breakfast retreat that lots of people do.
When you don't want a different companion, but want something new going on, how do you do it?
Is it a matter of finding a new activity to do in tandem? Spending more time alone on new things and then coming back with that to the relationship? How do you inject a little more excitement to fight back stillness?
Comments (3)
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Getting away for a while seems to always do the trick. Staying in hotels still seems special and decadent; at my boyfriend's parents' house I get to feel like a rebellious teenager when we make out in his room. And even if we just go camping there's the fun, feral, caveman feeling of making a fire and eating steak and doing it outside.
And even beyond sex, when we get out of our normal place, we get out of our normal routines and can pay better attention to each other. So far, we always like each other more when we come back than when we went away.
Posted on August 24, 2007 11:50 AM
Along the same lines as Ruby, I think the simple act of getting outside can help- take a hike, go camping, go to the beach. Skinny dip and get frisky in the dunes. Or, go visit friends out of town and drink lots of wine. You have to want the relationship to have that level of newness and fun- it doesn't change just by talking about it. I don't think it's about doing more stuff on your own (unless they were attached at the hip), but having fun together and instilling freshness.
Posted on August 25, 2007 10:15 PM
I'm with the other girls on this - do something fun, get away for a while.
But definitely do that together.
If you're in the doldrums as a couple, I think it can be troublesome to seek fun independent of each other. Sure, you might have a great week away. But when you get back to your boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, the house is a mess, the pets or kids need taking car of and responsibilities loom, you can't help wishing you were still on vacation - alone.
Breaking the routine together is key. And it doesn't have to be some fancy, romantic getaway. It just needs to involve leaving your respective responsibilities at home for a while.
Posted on August 28, 2007 11:23 AM