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This weekend I spent about 20 hours in a car driving with my cousin and his wife, a pair of married people in their mid-20s.

They're both cool, fun and busy with careers, but also are working on building a family, house and life with all the trimmings - which could soon include a baby.

That world is different enough from my lifestyle that I'm not sure if I'll ever get there. Not that the whole family thing is bad. Really it's more about mental distance between their lives and mine.

And though my cousin and his wife are "settled down," they manage to take trips, party a little and still have plenty of fun. It's just a different kind of fun. It's more sporadic, but more enjoyable when it happens.

Seeing a good glimpse into their life together makes me curious. I want some young married folks to weigh in here.

What did you do differently after a couple years of marriage? How do you make the settled-down life work but still find a way to remind yourselves that you're still young?

I was having trouble sleeping so I was wasting some time surfing the internet. I went to read some Yahoo! news and in so doing logged into an email account I forgot I had.

And there was an e-mail from friendster (another account I had forgotten about): a friend update on a long-ago ex boyfriend.

I can't say I had forgotten about his existence, but I definitely hadn't thought about it in a good while.

And this is the thing: he had removed me from his friends.

But he is the one who invited me to join friendster. I'm the one who broke up with him and had to keep telling him for weeks that I really meant it.

How dare he get over me! The gall.

His relationship status still says single, so it can't be because a new girlfriend made him do it. This wasn't his typical spineless obedience -- no, it was deliberate.

And it leaves me with all of these questions; How long has it beens since he un-friended me? What made him finally do it? What was he thinking when he actually clicked whatever it was he had to click?

And the big one: I broke up with him FOUR years ago; why do I care?

Social networking has been good to me and allowed me to get in touch with far flung friends from ages, jobs, and countries past. But "out of sight" is a lot harder to achieve nowadays, and so must too be "out of mind."

Has anybody else found that being over someone is a whole new ballgame now?

I think I had the same feelings I would have had if we had run into each other and he had dismissed me in person, but one of the beautiful things about 1,000-some miles of distance is that is never going to happen.

So please weigh in on A) the power the dumpee attains by finally getting over the dumper; or B) how surprising and protracted things can be, now that nothing really disappears online.

Ever get that feeling of irrational but totally overwhelming fear growing deep in the pit of your stomach?

That's the feeling I get whenever I introduce a new boyfriend to my family.

It doesn't matter how much I've prepped him, and it doesn't matter how well he can sell himself. For about a week before that first meeting, I end up seeing whomever I'm dating through my parents' eyes.

And it goes both ways for me. No matter how many times I see a guy's parents, I'm still nervous and worried that I'm going to slip up. That I'll make a bad impression.

How do you handle meetings like this? Does you have any particularly memorable stories about meeting someone's parents or bringing someone you've dated home?

To all women out there: subtle hints do not work.

I would guess that most of you in relationships knew that you wanted your man long before he knew. It's because men are clumsy with the hints that women toss around. Not that there's anything bad about that. Good heavens, we thank you for your gentle nature.

Heck, we're still a bit caveman, and often consider bonking someone on the head to cut to the chase. Not that we would ever really do such a thing.

Aside from all that, there are obvious signs of attraction that go both ways. Like when a guy lingers just a little past the point of a conversation's end, and asks you if you want to do "something" later (it doesn't matter - mini golf, coffee, lunch - just that she agrees to doing anything).
Gals throw out their hints - the hair flips, the look/look-away from across the room or just standing a little differently when talking to you.

Folks like Mystery and magazines like Cosmo document other flirt tips in a million different ways, like it really helps any of us. I read once that she's interested in you if she rubs her hands together when you talk. Get real.

Of course we could all just be blunt. Eventually we get there with any love interest. But along the way we all flirt in some way.

So what hints have you used that someone just didn't get? What have you picked up on that are sure-fire signs of interest from a crush every time?

I visited a friend this past weekend who got married when she was 19 or 20 and now has an 8-year-old and a 5-year-old daughter.

When she had her first daughter, years back, I thought what just about everyone did: "Whoa." She wasn't going to college, she wasn't dating, she wasn't going to parties and playing the field, she wasn't doing anything any of the rest of my friends from high school were doing. But what she wants out of life is to be a mother and have a big family.

Visiting her kind of threw my priorities for a loop.
She runs a growing company and her husband has always had a good job that has provided for the family. They were just eager to get started, so they did.

Suddenly I feel like I'm really far behind: I want to have a family, I want to raise daughters as great as hers are, but I'm almost 30. Her kids will be in college when mine are in middle school -- even if I start today.

And I'm not amazed that she is happy and successful; I wouldn't expect anything else from her. But I am amazed that anybody could be so happy and successful following that path. I have other friends who married at that age -- they are my 20-something divorced friends.

What do you think it is that makes some young relationships work and others become complete disasters?

When I recently saw the new rankings of cities for singles from Forbes.com, I had to laugh.

Beyond big cities, it seems, the magazine found little to say about opportunities and outlets for singles to get down and get together. (I also was pretty shocked Detroit made the list, having spent some time there as a teenager. Sure, it's a big place. But I doubt I'd move back there for the culture or nightlife.)

And not a single N.C. city made the list.

Now, I've made fun of the Triad before. And downtown Greensboro or Winston-Salem certainly isn't the meatpacking district. But I'd argue there's plenty for singles to do here - whether it's taking a short day trip, dining out or heading downtown at night.

Sure, I've struggled to meet interesting guys. But it's not as though there's a lack of places to chat up new people - I've met men at the bowling alley, out at clubs in downtown Greensboro, shopping over at FantaCity, while grabbing drinks with friends at casual downtown restaurants and sometimes when I'm running around for work.

And my friends who live in larger cities can't necessarily say the same. Just last weekend I was chatting with a friend up in New York - one of the highly-ranked Forbes cities - who always describes herself as being in a city of millions where individual people just don't talk.

If you were making an (unscientific) list, how would the Triad's cities rank as digs for singles? What factors would go into your decision?

A girl-friend of mine told me once about how she left a dude sitting at the table:

He was good-looking, she said, and wore nice clothes, but she was only there as a favor to a friend, who wanted to get with his friend and hoped that her going out with the other guy would help. It could've gone somewhere, she said, if the chemistry was there.

So she went out on a blind date with this guy, meeting for drinks after work. They chatted, she said, talked about her work, his work, and all that. They joked around - in a flirty "picking on you" kind of way.

Things were going better than she thought, she said.

He found out she had a cat, and he laughed and said that means she also has a box of poo in the house. She gave it back to him by picking on his front-curl frat boy haircut, she said. Then he somehow called her homely, she decided it was time to leave.

This girl is someone who did modeling in her teens - far from homely.

She didn't say that she was hurt or anything, just that this dude wasn't going to get anywhere else with her. So a few minutes later, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, and walked out the back door.

No word on how her friend did with the other guy.

But how do you know when it's time to bail on a bad blind date? Do you do yourself and the date a favor by cutting it off in the middle, or suffer through to the bitter end?

The other day I was talking to a source and I thought -- not for the first time -- "is this guy flirting with me?"

This becomes my post today because that same day, a pal was talking about either admiring or being embarrassed by -- I'm not quite sure which -- an older woman relative of his and her flirting. By older I mean much older. More like Mrs. Robinson's mom than Mrs. Robinson.

Now I'm not saying anything about romance in your second childhood. Someday I'll give up snowboarding and rock climbing but I'm never planning to give up sex and don't expect anybody else to, either.

What I'm talking about is people who don't know they are flirting. And I'm not throwing stones here -- I'm not only president of Inadvertent Flirter club, I'm also a member.

I saw it in myself only by having my behavior described to me in detail by an outspoken friend.

I had been spending a lot of after work time with a client in a past job. I didn't consider our outings "dates;" He worked in sales and I worked in training so we both liked company and we liked each other. We both liked eating at restaurants I couldn't afford and he didn't mind picking up a lot of checks so we had a comfortable thing going.

Then one night he met me out with a group of my friends. Riding the train home, my friend told me: "It's really cruel of you to keep leading him on like that."

I was a shade offended. I had done no such thing.

Then she told me what she had seen me do. I giggled. I crossed and uncrossed my legs and leaned in toward him. What I thought was well-mannered, attentive eye contact looked smoldering to bystanders.

I was an ugly duckling, mind you. Now, it has been beaten into me that I'm attractive -- this was part of that beating.

But when I was forced to reflect on it, I totally saw it. And I felt really bad about it. Still do, a little. I've been led on before. It's a mean thing to do. Now I know better.

But sometimes I still slip. And the thing is, I think my pal's relative and my source are like me and they don't notice that they are flirting. They just think they are being personable.

If this post gets 10 comments today, I'll wash Wingfella's car (but not like this). If it gets 20, I'll wash Ginger's, too.

Have you ever noticed yourself flirting with someone you didn't mean to flirt with? Or has some cold-hearted person done it to you?

Ever met anyone on Facebook, MySpace or other social networking sites?

I consider myself pretty open to new people and new things, but I just can't fathom building a meaningful relationship with someone based on their online face. Yet it's clear that people are using social networking sites more often for first encounters - whether it's meeting your college roommate, finding familiar connections when you move to a new place, or seeking out dates.

A lot of sites like Facebook might be about friends, but it's obvious there's a dating component. Why else would you advertise your relationship status in your profile? And why else would my friends keep up with each other's dating lives through changes in a profile-holder's relationship status?

Since the Unbuttoned crew has now officially joined Facebook, Wingfella, Ruby and I thought we'd ask you today about your notable social-networking experiences. We want to hear how these sites have worked for you - and what social-networking sites you think are the best for meeting new people and kick-starting relationships.

Hey folks. I know two posts on a lazy Friday has just got to blow your mind.

But I couldn't help responding when I heard that we aren't only being parodied - how fun! - but that Ruby and I are being cast as self-described man-magnets by a fellow blogger.

Chalk that one up to Ruby, whose stories would lead you to believe she's left a miles-long trail of dazed men in her wake.

I don't know that I'd be so confident, kids.

And as for Wingfella, well, that guy needs some serious help with the ladies ;).

We know that all women take an extra five minutes more than they tell you to get ready for a big date.

We figure it into our planning. If the movie is at 7, we know that it has to be factored in, even though you will just sit in the dark for two hours. In fact, the tendency for a guy to be late may be a conditioned response from generations of mutual lateness.

And as ladies have some requisite get-ready time (what are they doing in there?), so do guys.

That, for me, takes 15-20 minutes, tops, from shower to shoes. Unless it's some huge deal, like a friend's wedding or a big date, then I might spent another minute or two. In the words of Andre 3000: "You know you've got company comin' over, so do scrub extra hard."

Despite what my prior posts may appear to say, I do appreciate cleanliness. But this isn't about that.

It's about the time spent doing so. Gals -why bother fussing over that one little eyebrow hair? We won't notice, I promise. Why spend so much time getting ready? Yes, you look good, smell nice, and we guys like that, but why not figure that time into getting ready? Is the intention to make a guy wait before the date, build tension and all that?

Or is it just 5 minutes of unaccounted-for freaking out that's spent on deciding what to wear?

My apologies to Manbear. My post today again contains both links and references to literacy. The Atlantic has this fun thing called "Word Fugitives" and this month they looked for a word to describe "that guy (or girl) who, once he starts dating someone new abandons all of his other friends."

My favorite was romantisocial.

We all have been on both sides of this. One of the things that's so great about a new relationship is how it's all-consuming, then after a while you need your friends again for balance.

Does anyone have a successful strategy for hastening your friends back from the abliss?

My best effort at it is weak; I make double dates and task my boyfriend with occupying the date so I have some time with my friend. Then I use that time as a wedge to get some one-on-one plans on the calendar.

Any other ideas? Or suggestions to keep it from happening?

I had a tough conversation with a childhood friend earlier this week.

She's in her mid-20s, in graduate school and generally living it up after four years in a serious relationship that went bust. We don't get to talk often, being in different time zones with busy schedules. But we like to share stories about the places we go and the people - usually guys - we meet from time to time.

But when she called this week, I knew it was about something more serious. Her doctor ran some tests at a recent appointment, and it turns out she has HPV.

Now my friend, an attractive girl with an active dating life, doesn't know what to do. It's still setting in, I think, that she has a sexually transmitted disease. She doesn't know where it came from. (She's careful, she says, and uses protection when she's not in a long-term, monogamous relationship.) And she's struggling with the prospect of telling this to the guys she meets, if and when things get serious.

I tried to assure her that something like that wouldn't make the worthwhile guys shy away. (After all, about 20 million people have HPV, and - a shocking figure here - 80 percent of women will have picked up one of these infections by age 50.)

But I had to wonder, really, how other people might react when she shares this news. So I decided to bring that conversation here, since all of you readers can be anonymous in your responses.

Would you date someone who has HPV or another sexually transmitted disease? Have you ever done that? And have you ever had to face the possibility of an STD changing your life and your feelings about dating and relationships?

It was a turning point when I realized that a girlfriend and I liked calling each-other "babe." I never thought I would be that.

But there I was, using - oh, no! - pet names and goofy terms of endearment.

And she was using them back.

This was something to be avoided, in my mind. Pet names are corny, even a bit girly. But we guys use them (admit it) and we hear them in return. And they're cute, it's true.

But don't get caught in front of your buddies using them.

There's a whole world of cute little terms of endearment out there, literally. French: mon petit chou (my little cabbage); German: Ich fresse dich (something like our "I could eat you up."); American: honey bunches.

Some don't even make sense. And there are limits, like when pet names get kinda far out. I've heard of some folks leaving their current girl/guy because of an inappropriate pet name used too soon. I once heard of someone being called "zipper queen" in an attempt to be cute. Really.

Today's blog is simple. What pet names have you used? What have you been called? What's the weirdest one you've heard? What's your favorite-ever? What drives you crazy?

What do you call your sweet thang? Lover? Baby? Sugah? Muffinbutt?

Once, and only once, I set up a couple of my friends.

They were both writers, both into traveling, both hot, and each had mentioned to me an interest in the other. How could it fail?

They abandoned me for each other for about three weeks in which they seemed to be attached by whatever body part was convenient. Then things went bad and they didn't talk to each other OR me.

Was I just unlucky or is there something I could have done differently? Has anyone had luck setting up friends? What pitfalls do you look for if you're going to try it?

Good morning, all. Anyone do anything exciting this weekend?

I went out to dinner at a neighborhood restaurant and couldn't help listening to the conversation at the table behind me. A group of women, probably all in their 30s, was working their way through an assortment of drinks. And the more they drank, the more they opened up about the guys they knew, the ones they were sleeping with and the ones they wanted to be sleeping with.

Of course, I found this hilarious. (I think my date, though, was a little put-off that my focus was on the neighboring table.)

When I hear public conversations like this - and I hear them often at restaurants, at stores and, particularly, in salons - I can't help, in part, being horrified that women will talk so readily about the details of their sex lives where anyone can hear.

On the other hand, there have been times, usually after a few glasses of wine, when I've indulged in similar behavior. Conversations about a guy's prowess. Ranking guys I've slept with. And making fun of my one-night stands over dinner with a friend.

Do you share intimate details of your dates/flings/relationships with other people? What sort of things are not OK to share with friends when you're dating someone? And would you be offended to overhear a public conversation about about a guy's, ahem, parts? Or a detailed rundown of a recent tumble in the bedroom?

Hey y'all, we're kind of running behind today on the post due to an early tech error.

Like you care.

So instead of post, I checked out pages that Ruby and Ginger have up on Facebook, then got to thinking about meeting people online. Apparently, you can even meet a hubby or a wife on myspace or Facebook these days.

What about when it goes wrong? Just as easily as folks can meet online, a ticked off ex could sabotage somebody's profile on any of the online networking sites by bombing them with mean comments

I've also heard of people stalking others - myspying - by looking at comments left, looking at their commenters, and so on. That's the whole idea of those sites, I know, but there's a couple ways that could go wrong, too.

So - today's questions:
Have you ever looked up an ex on myspace, Facebook or any of those other sites with the intention of checking in on what they're up to (Did they change their relationship status yet? Did they remove you from their favorites? De-friend you?)

Has someone ever tracked you down over those sites a bit too aggressivly? Have you ever been "busted" by comments that someone left on your profile, or comments that you left elsewhere?

It's not all doom and gloom here. This kind of stuff is funny, in hindsight.

Is Pulp Fiction as much of a touchstone for everybody else who got their drivers license in the 90s as it is for me?

But anyway, just about the time that movie came out, I was friends -- good, platonic, our-parents-trust-us-alone-together friends -- with a kid whose major interest in life was Christianity. My take on religion, all religion, at the time was informed a lot more by George Orwell's 1984 and punk rock lyrics than by the Bible.

One time when we were both in college he was over at my parents' place super late, probably keeping me company while I finished a paper for an incomplete. We ended up making out a little and then went for a drive. So much for our parents' trust.

I can't really say he took our little session more seriously than I did but he was wayyy more conflicted about it than I was and when we have talked in the intervening years, he has brought it up more than once.

My guess at why this continues to rankle in him is that for him, love between a man and a woman is consummated by marriage, not by slobbering on each other on the floor of a home office. And I think he was puzzled by how I could be attracted to him, the consummate Christian, and still be pretty hostile to Christianity.

I think that must have been at least part of what was alluring to him about me. And since bringing people into the fold was super important to him, I would have been a big win.

Honestly, what is more fraught than religion -- no matter what sphere of life you're talking about. Not that there aren't plenty of instances where it's no big thing. I have a handful of friends very happy in the relationships that started within their faith community. I have others who lived as happy atheists while they were dating, but since marrying go to church regularly and like it.

But when it does produce a conflict, its a big one. I mean, how about waking up on Sunday morning looking forward to lounging in bed and eating a big, greasy breakfast when your partner calls from the bathroom "Are you coming to church?"

Is religion a gap that can be bridged or is it one of the basic things that has to line up first?

I've been doing some pretty unscientific research into how women change their habits in a long-term relationship or when they move in with a guy.

One recurring theme: Moving in or getting hitched is apparently a quick path to putting on some pounds.

Been there. Done that. (The living together thing - not the marriage one.)

Can't say I understand why, though. Some people speculate women gain weight when they're no longer searching for - and trying to appeal to - a mate. Others say it's all about matching a partner portion for portion. Some couples cook more at home when they're together. Others eat in front of the TV every night - a sure way to get fatter, quicker.

Fewer studies seem to be devoted to guys packing on the pounds in the same way. And fewer women seem to mind if their boyfriends or husbands gain a little weight.

What have you experienced in your relationships? How have your partner's habits impacted or changed you? Ladies - do you put on a few comfort pounds when you're happy or in love? Guys - does this go both ways, or do women carry this weight alone?

In a "Dear Abby" column I read yesterday, a writer said that she, a 34-year old woman, met a guy who was her age and they went out on a date.

They hit it off, and they got it on. Her words for it were "physically intimate."

Since that time, the guy hasn't called her back.

Abby said that's because she gave it up too soon.

I'm not sure there's a statute of limitations on when to hit the sheets. Moreover - and I'm speaking for about 99 percent of men across the world here - the sooner the better.

On that, my buddy Steve said he met a gal at an afternoon cookout in Charlotte, they hit it off, later went out to a bar, and then he took her home.

Over breakfast the next morning, she asked if he still respects her. He told me about that, and said it's A-OK with him - it just lets him know that she knows what she wants.

So are you more with Abby on this, or with my buddy Steve?

This post appears to be from Ruby, but is in fact from Wingfella.