Dear New Relationship, Can I have my friend back?
My apologies to Manbear. My post today again contains both links and references to literacy. The Atlantic has this fun thing called "Word Fugitives" and this month they looked for a word to describe "that guy (or girl) who, once he starts dating someone new abandons all of his other friends."
My favorite was romantisocial.
We all have been on both sides of this. One of the things that's so great about a new relationship is how it's all-consuming, then after a while you need your friends again for balance.
Does anyone have a successful strategy for hastening your friends back from the abliss?
My best effort at it is weak; I make double dates and task my boyfriend with occupying the date so I have some time with my friend. Then I use that time as a wedge to get some one-on-one plans on the calendar.
Any other ideas? Or suggestions to keep it from happening?
Comments (3)
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As the coiner of "romantisocial," I thank you for the vote of confidence!
Posted on September 18, 2007 2:32 PM
I like "the abliss" better.
It happens. Your buddy dates some chick, they spend a lot of time together, you lose your buddy. Par for course.
For those in coupledom: If you want time with friends, take it. There shouldn't be an explanation for hanging out with them. And the other person in the relationship shouldn't make you feel bad for doing so.
But theories on paper work out a lot better than they do in practice.
That's why I still say, do it. Hang out.
To women: Leave your man with "Enter the Dragon" on DVD, a sixer of beer, and tell him to call up some friends while you go hang out with the girlfriends. Or have him invite his buds and your girlfriends to the same place. Or go out on a girl-date while he's on a man-date, and you can all meet up after. The possibilities are endless.
Posted on September 18, 2007 2:49 PM
I agree with Wingman. But, I do think you need to allow your friends the abliss- it's a phase, and they'll soon remember their life before the new romance. Like all things in life, there is an adjustment period.
As someone who has moved around a lot, I've always found it difficult when I visit my far away friends, or they visit me, and I'm torn between spending time alone with them and having them meet my new man. It helps when your guy can hold his own!
Posted on September 19, 2007 2:06 PM