News-Record.com

I cannot count the times I've opened doors for other people (old, young, men, women, children, all) and all are quick thank me EXCEPT some women. Some women have gone so far as to publicly insult me for the simple act of opening a door.

And believe me, I'm sure I've missed a lot of chances but I have never made a move on a woman who hadn't already made it very clear that she wanted me to make a move.

Billy-

Geez, yeah. Holding a door is no big deal in my world. And if anyone would give me an earful for doing so, it would be a woman.

But you also catch flack if you don't open the door for her. What gives?

The door opening thing is so difficult, really. Take, for example, a foyer with two doors: go through one, go through the second.

What am I to do if a man opens the first for me, then follows me through it? Do I wait for him to open the second, for consistency's sake? Do I hold the second door for him, out of fairness? Or do I open the door, walk through it myself, but, once through it, continue to push on it so that he can grab the handle and hold it open while he follows me through, in order to be expedient.

I almost always choose the expedient option, and if I hurt a gentleman's feelings by snubbing his kindness, I apologize for myself by saying I've been trained by men my age to fend for myself.

I also feel awkward when I'm with another woman going through a door. In a group of women, it's usually easy, the first woman to get to the door holds it open for the others. But if it's just me and another girl, I feel kind of butch if I hold it open for her, but I feel kind of unmannered if I don't.

But Billy, I can't imagine what positive thing those women who insulted you thought they were demonstrating. A woman can't be asked to justify the oppression of the patriarchy or anything, but she also needs to pick her battles. My feminist high saddle is always close at hand, but I'll always say thank you if you hold the door for me.

There's no reason for a woman to rebuke you for holding open a door. But I agree with the awkwardness of having two sets of doors. I usually open the second one myself and keep it propped for the guy behind me.

As far as being a gentleman goes, I don't put a lot of weight on baseball caps and door-holding. Even a man burping in public, if you're at a baseball game or a bar, whatever. At a nice restaurant, that's just wrong.

But making the elderly stand? That's a no-no in my book. A friend of mine once harshly scolded a group of guys on a crowded bus for making an elderly woman stand while they sat in the seats for disabled passengers. Man or woman, that's just not right and is a total turn-off.

I'll often take my cues from how a guy speaks about his mother and/or sisters. It's not always the best way to judge. After all, my brother is a heck of a lot nicer and more polite to me when his girlfriend is around.

Burping, scratching, re-adjusting your bits. Those are all no-nos in my book. And they're all things at least a handful of the guys I know do whenever we're hanging out.

I guess maybe it doesn't count as "in public" when you're just with your friends.

On the flip side, though, I know girls who show off their bodily functions much more aggressively than guys do. And walking around with a thong sticking out of your pants is much, much worse than walking around the house with a baseball cap on.

Ginger-

Going to the theater and scratching the itch is a bit different than when you're hanging on the porch with a couple friends. Still, I'd find another place. But I'd let the burp fly at home.