Other people's relationship problems
Do you have people who only call you when they have relationship problems?
A college friend called while I was making dinner with my boyfriend the other day. We caught up a little, and when I told her that we were cooking together, she said her husband would never do that with her, he seems to try to spend as much time as possible away from home.
Now, when I hear "my husband wants to spend as much time as possible away from home," that sounds like a major problem. I want to be empathetic, she is a dear friend and I don't want her to be unhappy. But the thing is, I've never met this guy. She met him after college and I couldn't make it to the wedding.
But I share this here because of a little rant about this issue I got from another friend:
"You know its going to be a long conversation because they call you exactly at 9 p.m. when the free minutes start on your cell phone. They complain about their significant other or the significant's family and all it does is ruin your tv show and/or bring you down."
That's almost exactly what happened. The husband's issue came from his family, she said and my friend is unhappy and alone. Unhappy, alone, and 800 miles from North Carolina. In the meantime, my dinner is getting cold.
I mean, we all have problems and need a friend to listen sometimes, but there are some people who never have good news. How do you deal with them?
Comments (2)
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I had a friend like that. He was constantly calling with his latest woes and four times out of five, his problems weren't as bad as he painted them.
One night, he called several times when I had a friend over. Thanks to caller ID, I ignored the first few phone calls, but after the fourth time, my friend said maybe I should answer. She added if I didn't, she would. She was a good person and I knew he would engage her on the line and our night would be shot.
So I picked up instead. He started going into his latest drama, but before he got too wound up, I interrupted him. I asked him if he felt suicidal. He replied no. I next asked him if he had a hostage, or was he thinking of going to a public place to cause harm to others. Again, he answered no. Then I told him that it was not a good time for me to talk, but I would call him after my friend left.
I kept my word and called back. He didn't pick up and even though I left a message for him to call, he never did. Not that this is a sure-fire solution, but he never shared any of his woes with me again. I guess he discovered another buddy who was more "sympathetic" to his plight.
Posted on December 13, 2007 12:47 PM
I don't mind being ranted to, as long as it's not the same rant every time, at which point I just inform them that my previous advice stands. I like that my friends consider me someone who is a good listener who they can trust with their problems.
I also have DVR. If I didn't, I might feel differently when they call me during, say, Grey's. And as far as bringing me down, other people's problems have the opposite effect for me, as in, 'hey, at least I don't have to deal with THAT.'
Posted on December 13, 2007 1:03 PM