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You know how Sex and the City prompted that entire "he's just not that into you" thing, for better or worse?

Maybe we need a guy-oriented show (I nominate "Entourage," which is basically SatC with dudes) to start a "SHE'S just not that into you" trend.

Because if you're in the Friend Zone -- if she genuinely has no interest in you -- that's more or less what's happening. And while that's not an unchangeable situation, it seems to this young chap that it's not really worth the herculean effort (not to mention the outright manipulation) required to get her to change her mind, especially when there are so many nubile ladies writhing in the single sea. And it goes that way for ladies trying to attract the gentlemen, as well.

Of course, you also need to be sure you're actually in the Friend Zone. I thought that's where I was with a girl way back in high school, but it turns out she had a pretty hardcore hankerin' for some Reggie. She made a move, I bit, and we wound up dating for a few years, split up amicably and remain friends.

So the question is this for you: If there's a lad who you think you're in the Friend Zone with, feel him out. Act a little, shall we say, trollopy around him. If he's not biting, he's just not that into you. If he is, whoa, fireworks. Sure, it's a risk, but all dating is a risk, and really, is it all that pleasant to be friends with someone you're pining for and can't have?

You know the "friends" thing is okay but we men have become wary based on experience. I'm not making the claim that the majority of women do this but far too many women use the "friends first" ploy as a means to get all the benefits of having a man around without having to tie themselves down to a relationship while they search for the bigger, better deal, hence this excerpt from the title poem of my first book, CARROT ON A STICK, published in 2000:

"... I once loved a girl
when I was quite young.
I'd do anything
when she'd hollar, I'd come.
I worked on her house,
cleaned up her yard.
I'd have done anything,
I worked really hard.

I worked on her car
and spent all my money.
She'd laugh and smile
and just call me honey
but I'd call her on Friday
and she'd say she was sick.
I just didn't know I was chasing
a carrot on a stick..."

So yeah, when I hear, "let's be friends" experience has taught me I'm better off the write a poem than seek a relationship. At least the poems pay royalties...

And the fact is: Good men and women both suffer because of women who use the friends ploy and before someone says it, yes, some men play women with this very same ploy but women are far more likely to play this game.

"... When I was a young man
my head was real thick.
I used to chase after
a carrot on a stick
but now that I'm older
and I really don't care
I don't eat carrots
and I don't cut my hair."

To get it all you'll have to buy the book.

I'll be sure to do that Billy ...

I guess what I'm thinking about from personal experience is less putting a guy in the friend zone when I know he wants more or vice versa. It's more of two friends being happy as friends and then someone changes his/her mind. The tough question there is how do you make that other person know that things have changed for you?

That part's not easy. I had a good friend a while back who asked me to dinner and picked me up. On the way, I started calling other mutual friends to see if they wanted to join us - the more the merrier. I discovered months later that he had intended it to be a date. Luckily, our friendship survived because I lived hundreds of miles away and could pull the long-distance card and let him down easy.

It's hard to push an innocent friendship into something more serious. And as guys go, when a woman wants to do that, subtle hints don't work.

You have to slap us over the head with it. That technique also works for us in a few other situations.

I guess my thing, Betty, is that I don't really consider yours a "tough question." The answer's obvious to me: You level with the other person. That's clearly something your friend in question never did. He took you out, yes, but he never really made it explicit that he was trying to woo you.

People dance around the issue too much when they're dealing with the opposite (or same, if that's how you swing) sex. They turn it into a chess game, and that's silly. Go after what you want.

Rather than deal with the perpetual state of embarassment being told "I'm not interested, but i still want to be friends," I tend to treat things as a double or nothing. If i tell her I'm interested and she's not then then we can call it a day. I think that may fall under the "jerk" category.

same situation different circumstances... If she is already dating someone and you tell her you have feelings for her and you're rejected... you can wait that one out, but try not to be the rebound guy unless all you wanted to do was get with her.