It's not you, it's me ... no, really.
The name's Jizelle and I am not ashamed to say that I am single....again.
I am, however, ashamed to say that I may be single because I have a habit of ruining potentially good relationships before they even begin.
I'm the type of woman who meets a guy, fishes for flaws, then uses his less-than-desirable qualities or habits as an excuse to kick him to the curb. I go in for the kill early.
I'm not really sure when or where the trend of relationship sabotage began for me. Perhaps it started in ninth grade, when I broke up with a guy because he was too nice. He waited for me after every class to walk me to the next. He carried my books, never liked to argue and called every day like clockwork. So to put myself out of relationship bliss, I ended it all in a letter that I left in his locker.
In college, I stopped dating a guy cold turkey, because after dating for two months, I felt things were moving too fast. There was no real reason for me to feel this way, it was just the weapon I chose to slaughter our brief romance.
If I fastforward to more recent years, I can recall that the trend has continued with numbers of dates gone wrong and potential boyfriends who were dropped so quickly, I didn't even have a chance to get their last names.
Unfortunately, at 26, I realize that other than the tactics I use to kill off a budding relationship, not too much has changed. But if I don't want to end up an old maid with 10 cats, I've gotta learn how to allow a man to coexist in my world.
Has anyone else ever committed serial relationship sabotage? Is there a remedy?
Comments (10)
To report abuse of the comment feature on this site, please use the feedback form at the bottom of any page.
lol lower your standards or move to Coto de Caza and get one of those rich husbands thats never home. I'm always disappointed by the dates that i can't wait to go on. however, if I'm going into the date with less than a serious interest, i usually have a second date if i want it. Same thing with girlfriends if it gets to that point. the great ones dont work out and the defective ones want to borrow the car for a day.
Posted on January 25, 2008 9:30 AM
Welcome to the blog, Jizelle-
It sounds to me like the game is more fun to you than the victory. Why stress about that? If you like being single, be single.
Posted on January 25, 2008 9:45 AM
Ha! Once I broke up with a guy in high school because he gave me a very sweet hand-made (he was all artistic) Valentine's Day card and gave it to me in my psych class... I freaked and canceled our date. I still feel bad.
Posted on January 25, 2008 10:00 AM
Yeah, I've killed a few too early myself. And they do haunt you for a while afterward.
Not sure what the remedy is. Groveling sure doesn't seem to fix anything.
I always hear that if it's supposed to work, then it will work. But that doesn't factor in self-sabotage, does it?
So, no help here, Jizelle, but plenty of empathy.
Also - why do women who imagine being perpetually single always envision themselves as old maids with 10 cats?
Posted on January 25, 2008 10:01 AM
Good question, Wingfella. I think it goes back to that tale of the lonely old woman who died and nobody even knew. It was a twisted tale, actually. She had a gazillion cats and she became their feast. Gross, I know, but it was very creepy.
Posted on January 25, 2008 10:28 AM
Betty,
I was one of those guys that made the artistic valentines day card and had his date cancelled! its nice to know that fate fell to someone besides me. I wonder where she is right now...I hope she's on her way to becoming an old maid with 10 cats. is it too early for that drink?
Posted on January 25, 2008 10:50 AM
So I was at this farm once and when I walked out the back door, all these cats thought I was coming out to feed them and they all came running over and crowded around me. I felt like a celebrity. They all loved me and wanted to be near me.
I thought, "this must be what those 10-cat women must feel." It was terrifying.
Posted on January 25, 2008 12:57 PM
Wingman Chronicles --
Wow! I apologize on behalf of myself and all women who, at one point, were commitment-phobic high-school girls!
Posted on January 25, 2008 1:07 PM
Man, 26 is way too young to think they are seasoned daters.
I agree with wingman, plus as cliche as it sounds, the more a woman is ignored the more she wants to be noticed by that person. Not sure why, but it is true.
Posted on January 30, 2008 8:22 PM
PS, I still don't ignore, but I watch how it works a lot, haha
Posted on January 30, 2008 8:25 PM