Please take out a sharpened #2 pencil and wait
Admit it. You have some sort of test that you give to a new date to see if things are going to work out. I don't mean watch how he treats the waitress or if she brings up her ex. I mean a situation that you deliberately contrive at some point to say, "if this guy/chick can't deal with this, I can't deal with him/her."
Mine always comes up early. I have a lot of guy friends and I like to be really social and I need to have friendships that are separate from my relationship. So that means that I have to be able to to hang out, stay out late, drink beer, and occasionally crash on the couch of a guy and not have my boyfriend get angry or hurt.
Do I mean hook up with? no. I mean what normal people do with a friend.
It's a tall order, sure, but some women want diamonds and furs. And if I'm the only girl a guy hangs out with, it scares me.
So I bring dates to bars or parties where I'll be with other guys who have been clearly identified as friends (now not too soon, I'm not evil). If there are signs of jealousy in neutral situations, I don't wait around to test his patience with the more volatile ones.
For some women I know, it is marriage or children, so she'll come up with a way to see him interact with babies. I have a divorced and remarried friend who says "the second wife always sails."
What situations do you put dates into to see if they can handle a relationship with you?
Comments (6)
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Burping at both ends -
Posted on January 18, 2008 8:58 AM
As a fella who spent a big part of his life as a single guy, I'm totally understanding of your position. My friends are the relationships I spent time cultivating over singlehood.
Tests? Well, I tend to run with a reasonably high energy level, and seeing how she handles that (I don't expect them to match me anymore), can mean a lot. And I'm not afraid to be scatterbarained. Got to have someone who can see me or raise me one there.
Posted on January 18, 2008 9:04 AM
I agree. Any guy I date has to be comfortable with me doing my own thing. But he also has to be comfortable hanging out with me AND my friends. I hate it when friends disappear off the planet because they have to hang out with their boyfriends/girlfriends separately.
Posted on January 18, 2008 10:58 AM
Y'know, maybe it's just me, but I really don't have tests for people. Not that I don't have criteria, but I'm not going to put someone in a contrived situation to judge that person.
And yes, Ruby, you do ask a lot of a man. To be honest, I'm not sure I personally could keep up with you. But you know what? More power to you. Ain't much of a point in getting with someone who isn't going to make you happy.
Posted on January 18, 2008 2:33 PM
Reggie-
Ruby is a handful. And I only work in the same building as she does.
You may call them tests. Or standards. Or requirements. Whatever. Everybody's got some way to see how a person makes the list.
Posted on January 18, 2008 3:02 PM
Seriously Holden? You plan to let one rip to see how a girl will take it?
Now there are plenty of times I've joked about having a chili-eating contest as an early-in-the-relationship date -- it would be an iron-clad way to see how a guy handles pressure of a lot of kinds.
But what do you learn from a girl's reaction to your test?
Posted on January 19, 2008 2:15 PM