"They'll kill him with self-confidence ...
... after poisoning him with words."
That Bob Dylan line I heard last night that made me think back to last Saturday and a conversation about confidence. Only we didn't poison or kill anyone.
I caught up with a couple friends who were shooting pool and we started doing what guys do: talking about not much in particular with the subjects of women, music and food thrown in.
"I'm not all that good at talking with them," my friend said about the ladies.
So Brian and I said that kind of attitude is not helping in the first place. Go in with a defeatist mindset and you're just setting yourself up for failure from the get-go.
A girl-friend told me a while ago that confidence attracts her to a guy just as much as looks. It's the attitude and the way that someone carries himself, she said. Intangibles.
Well, we tell the dude that he's looking at it all backwards and that women want to be talked to just as much as a guy wants to approach them. Not much later he's already chatting with a gal. And a hottie, at that. With no problem. They're laughing and he's not looking nervous at all.
Now that's fun to watch. He got her email address. Don't know if he followed up, and I don't think it matters.
So, there are a few questions here. How much does that confidence matter? What can a change in perspective like that help? Have you seen or been in a similar situation? What did you do?
Comments (5)
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I think confidence can only help a man in his pursuit of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, it can only get you so far if you don't have the ability to carry a decent conversation and lack a sense of humor. What's even more unfortunate is that in some cases, a woman knows your fate before you even open your mouth to say 'hello.' That's the tricky thing about dating, there are no set rules, I guess.
As far as your friend goes, it's great to see that he was able to loosen up and engage the lady in some interesting convo, but I can almost guarantee that if all she gave was an e-mail address, she probably wasn't interested.
Posted on January 31, 2008 11:46 AM
It's tough, right? Because you have to "fake it 'til you make it" without actually being fake, a tough line to walk.
I think most normal women will pretty much talk to any normal person for a few minutes and that gives a guy enough time to seem interesting or boring.
The problem is, there are just enough jerks to assure that sometimes, the guy who walks up to me isn't going to be normal and as often, the woman your friend walks up to is going to find pleasure in hurting his feelings.
I think a part of that confidence is trusting yourself to know when you are talking to one of those, cut bait and not feel like the problem is you.
Posted on January 31, 2008 12:15 PM
Shucks, I give lots of guys my e-mail address and I would love to speak/write to them when time allows for all concerned.
The Problem I have with phones is the darn games (some play, or even worse, playing voice mail tag...)
I much rather prefer, e-mail, then everyone can reply when it is good for them individually...if we are on the same page or have the same chemistry things will progress nicely from this point forward...
Posted on January 31, 2008 2:03 PM
Kat- With you on that one. Email is especially handy for making plans. You don't have to be there right away, as is the case with phones. And there's no worry about the two-day rule or any of that crap. And after a day at work, the phone is sometimes the last thing that I want to mess with.
Posted on January 31, 2008 2:34 PM
Kat and Wingfella - I guess I never thought of it that way. I have always looked at the email as the "brush you off" escape route, because people always automatically ask for the digits when they wanna make contact. But, I can see how it could be a good way to break the ice without all of the games.
Posted on February 6, 2008 10:19 AM