Closing the desire gap
There was an interesting article in this month's Elle magazine. I picked it up for the cover tease "I love you; You're perfect, Now get a face-lift: Plastic Surgery's Dirty Secret." But the article of which I speak is a Q&A between the magazine and Michele Weiner Davis, a couple's therapist and author of "The Sex-Starved Wife: What To Do When He's Lost Desire."
Davis talks a lot about how the secret to successful relationships is solving the "desire gap." But, contrary to what seems to happen in most relationships, she says that the person with the lesser desire is the one that needs to change. It seems, conventionally, that the person who wants to have sex three times a day is the one society says needs to compromise.
Not so, according to this expert. It doesn't mean that every couple should be having lots of sex, she says. "If both people are truly satisfied with sex 10 times a year, that's okay," she says. She also points out the myth that sexual dysfunction is the only reason for disinterest in men. "Many, many men aren't willing to be sexual with their wives if they're feeling disconnected emotionally," she notes.
Do you guys agree? Is a harmonious sex life the key to a successful relationship/marriage? Who's at fault when there's a desire gap?
It's also a touchier subject when the guy's the one who never seems to be in the mood. Davis says low libido in men spawns shame and fear and an unwillingness to admit the problem or seek help. Ladies out there, has this ever happened to you? And guys, would you admit it to a significant other that you're feeling too "emotionally disconnected" to get it on?
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