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I remember how painful high school sex was - my cheerleadering girlfriend cheated on me twice during my senior year; once with the football team and once with the boy's glee club.

OuCh! Sounds like your ex had too much time for extra-curricular activities. On a serious note, if that is the case, how did it affect her reputation? Gossip runs the high school social scene, after all.

Her nickname was "target" 'cause everyone pretty much had had a shot at her but guys that actually dated her called her "Dominos" 'cause she would usually deliver in 30 minutes or less.

I had read an article on the virginity pledges not working. The girls did not consider oral or anal sex as losing virginity, and most teen girls that had made these pledges admitted to doing one or both quite frequently.

I had read an article on the virginity pledges not working. The girls did not consider oral or anal sex as losing virginity, and most teen girls that had made these pledges admitted to doing one or both quite frequently.

Jizzelle, I'm an older father -- old enough to remember the '60s (vaguely) -- with two teenaged sons. My advice to you: Calm down and check the facts. Sex is normal; human bodies are hard-wired for it, starting with girls' menarche around ages 12-13. Various national surveys agree that half (50%) of all 16-year-olds have had oral sex and/or intercourse. By ages 18-19 the total is around 80 percent. That rate of sexual experience hasn't changed much in 20 years. (By the way, you're probably too young to remember, but the percentage of teens who had intercourse actually was slightly higher in the 1970s.)

The good news: teenagers' pregnancy rates have fallen almost every year since the early 1990s. More teens today know more than their parents knew about contraception, especially the use of condoms, and they're more aware of the dangers of STDs. My kids think oral sex is fairly common and casual among their peers, either as a way of delaying or avoiding intercourse or trading favors. ("Some girls won't get a guy off unless he goes down on them first.") The CDC's 2005 National Survey of Family Growth agrees.

As for "jelly bracelet" parties, they may exist (according to Snopes.com, which dates the first reports to 2003, but classifies the phenomenon as "undetermined"), but my kids said they've never heard of it or, for that matter, of group or public sex at teenager's parties. If some couple is going at it hot and heavy, "we tell them to get a room."

As for what parents can do, the first thing is to be non-judgmental. Sex is not inherently bad. Neither is promiscuity. Lots of teens do it (by age 22, about 80 percent of sexually active people have had at least four sexual partners) and they grow up fine.

However, this is not to say there aren't bad reasons for having sex as, for example, giving in just to keep a relationship going.

Teens need all kinds of guidance about good behavior and bad. It's OK for you to be judgmental about skipping school, sneaking out of the house, neglecting schoolwork, etc. That behavior can have far worse consequences than picking up a case of chlamydia or herpes. Teens need to benefit from their parents' knowledge and experience. The kids usually can figure out from there what's wrong or right, good or bad.

Jizzelle, I'd say you or your teenaged relative's parents need to know more about why she's behaving this way. Perhaps instead of sex, the girl is looking for "love" in the wrong places. Talk with her about why she's making the choices she's making and why you're concerned.

Mel: Thanks for your input. The statistics and percentages are interesting and informative, however, I don't necessarily agree that because sex is normal that it's okay for teens to do it so casually. I also do think that promiscuity is bad, whether you're a teen or an adult. This is merely my opinion as is your feeling that promiscuity is not inherently bad. STD's and pregnancy aren't the only consequences of being sexually active with someone. There are also consequences when teens, who normally aren't that mature, get their emotions involved. Teenagers have a lot to deal with. Having casual sex, in my opinion, shouldn't be one of them.

Of course, there are probably deeper issues that are causing my relative to act out the way she has and that's been something her parents are working to figure out - teens aren't necessarily quick to talk about their feelings, though.

I definitely respect and appreciate your outlook on the situation, but it's possible that you react to teenage sexual behavior your way because you have sons. When it came to dating as a teenager, my mother was a lot more strict on me than she was my brothers. There's always been double standards there, and I hate to admit this, but if my relative was a boy, it's highly likely we wouldn't be having this discussion. Thank you for your views, though. I like to get different perspectives.

Thanks for reminding me about the double standard. My best friend's daughter is the same age as my 19-year-old. Our two families just about raised the kids together and they're almost like brother and sister. To me she's more like the daughter we never had than like a niece. Our family moved away and we don't see them as often as we'd like, but the girl visits about once a year. No girl now; she's a beautiful young woman. While she was here a few months ago, she brought up the topic of men and relationships. She said she feels like a "loser magnet" after a series of bad relationships. We didn't talk about sex at all, but I think we mutually understood she's not a virgin. I didn't say it, but I -- and I assume I'm like many fathers -- felt resentment and worry about what those boys took from "my" little girl. But then I reminded myself she's going through experiences most of us have while growing up and she's handling it pretty well. I'm grateful she trusts me enough to talk about it, but I'm also a bit relieved that I'm not a daughter's father and don't have the kind of worries my buddy has. As you said, there is a double standard for sons and daughters and I wouldn't criticize someone else who applies it because I do, too. Maybe it's another parenting behavior "hard-wired" into our brains.

On another note, I shouldn't have used the word "promiscuity." It's a word loaded with huge emotional connotations. "My girl" has had serial relationships, some probably including sex, and I certainly wouldn't say or think she's promiscuous. I should have said that trying different relationships is not necessarily bad and, I think, is generally healthy. However, I certainly agree with you that someone who deliberately sleeps around (what I think we define as promiscuity) is on a self-destructive course. If that's part of the problem with your teenaged relative, someone definitely should intervene, IMHO.