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About a week ago, I came to accept a tough truth about myself: I have a history of dating nerdy guys.

The ones who played Dungeons and Dragons in high school. Think Sam in "Freaks and Geeks." Think Xander Harris on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

I've been firmly entrenched in this pattern for the past seven or eight years.

There was the long-term boyfriend who toted his computer around in the car trunk in case his friends wanted to have a LAN party, some sort of pointless gathering where the guys sat in a room and played computer games with each other from individual terminals. There was the one who painted little figurines from the gaming store and arranged them on the top of his dresser. The list of oddities goes on and on.

Not so with my first boyfriend (and just to be clear, I'm not counting 7th grade crushes who gave me stuffed animals from the drug store on Valentine's Day).

No, my first boyfriend was one of the cool kids.

He looked sort of like one of those half-naked posters you see on the walls in Abercrombie and Fitch. Sure he was smart (he went to some ivy league school and is becoming a doctor, I think). But he also was popular, athletic, pretty much a chick-magnet, and what my parents probably thought was a good prospect - a sign that their daughter would go on to have a healthy dating life.

When people talk about having a type, I nod and smile. My chain of geeks - five or so that I dated and at least a handful more who became repeated hook-ups - is too long to deny. Then I wonder where that first boyfriend came from.

And whether he was, in the end, just too cool for me.

Do you have a type? And, if so, how has it worked out for you when you diverged from that pattern?

My friends who live in big cities - mainly New York - complain constantly that they're surrounded by people but can't meet anyone.

For a long time, I thought that was ridiculous. During the time I spent up in that city, I had no problem meeting guys - at bars, at the farmer's market, even art museums.

So when I moved to Greensboro a few years ago, I thought 'No problem.' Making social headway outside my office was going to be a snap.

Not so.

My first few months in the Gate City were a pathetic exercise when it came to the social scene. I'd hit up Cafe Europa or Solaris and start a conversation with an interesting guy or girl at the bar. I'd chat someone up at Natty Greene's and hand out my phone number, hoping someone would find it later in their jeans' pocket and pick up the phone. No one did.

I don't know if my problem was in the come on or the conversation - whether it was the way I looked or the way I acted. And - to be clear - I wasn't even looking for a date. This was all about making friends and finding some bonds outside of work or my college friends in a somewhat unfamiliar city.

The low point came when I found myself telling a stranger how much I wanted to make friends, how cool I thought she was and how much I'd like to go out sometime. Not, let me tell you, a particularly appealing sell.

Predictably, once I stopped being so desperate, people started showing interest. I got asked out on dates. Men wanted to chat with me. And I even started conversations with a few women who could be potential friends.

But it still doesn't seem easy.

Have you had a hard time meeting people in the Triad? Am I going to the wrong places and taking the wrong approach?

If any of you are recent transplants to the area, I'd love to know how you've picked up dates or found new friends here.

He wasn't my first boyfriend. Maybe he was the third or fourth.

It was a head-over-heels situation. We met in the early summer, while working at the same newspaper. We went to lunch. Things progressed.

I was 17, I think. He might have been 20. Maybe a little older.

When I went back to school, we carried on, even though he was in the Midwest and I was states away. It seemed to me that we'd mastered the long-distance thing. I'd see him on vacations. He'd make the daylong drive to visit me or hop on a Greyhound.

There was no question of chemistry. We seemed compatible in nearly every single way. I trusted him. Completely.

I didn't see the signs.

One morning, when we'd been dating for about a year, my phone rang. There was a girl at the other end. She didn't know me, but she'd seen my number on his phone. She wanted to know who was calling him all the time. After all, she said, he was living with her best friend and had been for a few months. Things were serious, she said.

I didn't know what to say. It's true, he'd moved into an apartment. It's true, there was often a girl there - someone he claimed was his roommate's sister. It's true, he'd never taken me there - we always went out when I came home to visit. And it's true, he wasn't answering his phone as often.

He never admitted anything. And after all those months of long-distance effort, I didn't give him much opportunity to explain. I was too appalled. Too disillusioned.

After we split up, my friends came out of the woodwork to tell me all the reasons they never liked him. Everyone seemed shocked at the specifics - but they weren't suprised he turned out to be scum.

Since then, I've been through a number of heartbreaks - but only one other was anywhere near that bad. Looking back, though, I wonder how I could have been so blind.

Have you ever trusted anyone so much that you overlooked the danger signs? Are women more likely to be so trusting than men are?

And are long-distance relationships just risky territory from the start?

Reading the Friday paper last week, I couldn't help but notice the Life story on standing up at friends' weddings.

In the last month, I've been to three weddings - two of them for cousins in their early 20s. I have photos of myself with Cousin 1 and Cousin 2 as babies and toddlers, sitting on the couch at my grandparents' house. Somewhere, there's a home video of us running around at my fourth birthday party.

So this whole getting married thing seems a little weird to me. A little premature.

At the same time, the flurry of family weddings has put some pressures on me. At the most recent one, my aunt said (somewhat hopefully) that maybe our whole family will be traveling to a wedding for me soon. At another one, the groom asked me when I'm planning to take the plunge.

Everywhere I turn, someone is getting married or talking about weddings. Except for me. And I'm fine with that - I'm not ready to commit - but I'm never sure how to respond to people's comments and overtures about my situation.

Is it wedding season among your circle of friends? How do you respond to those awkward questions? Is there some sort of snappy comeback I should be using?

I have a friend who talks to her ex-boyfriends often, e-mailing or chatting on the phone with them.

She's met their new girlfriends. In some cases, she's gone to their weddings.

And even though she dated most of these guys for at least a year and was pretty serious about them, it doesn't seem to make her feel weird.

A lot of my friends are on good terms with their exes. I'm the weird one, I think sometimes.

I don't talk to anyone I've dated in the past, whether they were a monthlong fling or a longterm relationship. It's not that I'm on bad terms with all of them (although there are some I'd prefer never to talk to or see again); it's just that it seems strange to me - and unfair to anyone else I'm dating, who might worry that conversations are re-igniting old flames.

Do you talk to your exes? If you're in a relationship, do you and your partner have a stance on spending time with people you've dated before? And has a relationship with an ex ever caused problems with your current boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse?

I've been feeling guilty for a few months because of my reaction to some news from a close friend.

She's in her 20s and has been working a good job for a little less than two years. And she'd been having a tough time meeting people in a relatively new city.

Then, she met a guy. And a few weeks later, she got a job offer across the country from the company that she's wanted to work for ever since I can remember.

She turned it down.

When we talked about her decision, she mentioned a lot of factors. It wasn't like there was one major factor, she said. Then she brought up the guy - the boyfriend of a couple months, at the most. And said she didn't want to move right after she finally had met someone ... especially after such a long dry spell.

My response: You've got to be kidding. Take the job. Leave the guy.

Since then, I've wondered if that was a callous reaction. She's happy, and I'm thrilled she has someone in her life finally. She likes her job, and the city she's living in seems to be growing on her.

But my happiness for her is warring with my No. 1 dating rule: Don't let a relationship govern your life; and don't give up your aspirations for something that's not a sure thing. And I worry she'll eventually regret giving up her dream job for a guy.

Have you ever given up a job offer or another dream because of someone you're dating? How would you feel about moving to a different state or country for someone? And what are your limits on giving things up to make a relationship work?

Every guy I date has little quirks and habits that annoy me.

It's just a fact of relationships - as you grow closer to a person and better appreciate the best things about them, you can't help noticing some of those irksome traits.

Last night, I started thinking about some of my own. After all, I've spent a lot of time on this blog being snarky about other people's love lives, and I haven't put much effort into analyzing my own.

I'm sure people I've dated would gladly add more annoying traits to this list - and some of them would be more biting than anything I've come up with.

But so far, here are the top contenders I've come up with:

* I'm demanding and controlling. There's a certain way to do almost everything. And I'm not going to hold back if I think you've botched a process.

* Details are important. So important that I get bogged down in them and can be kind of obsessive sometimes.

* I'd rather sleep on the opposite side of the bed. Cuddling is great, but I've got limits when it comes to sharing personal space.

* I get bored easily. Most of the time, I'll follow your story to the end. But sometimes the glazed look in my eyes is going to wear on you.

* I'm a cat person, and that's non-negotiable.

* I can be overzealous about healthy eating and hitting the gym, even when you just got home from a long day at work and just want to sit on the couch, drink beer and watch basketball.

* I don't understand football. I never will. And you can't teach me.

What about you? Are there traits you know annoy your significant other? And are there things about people you've dated that just drive you crazy?

I was thinking over the weekend about Ruby's post from Friday and the different rules couples have in their relationships.

On the one hand, I know men who don't go out, one-on-one, with women other than their girlfriends or wives. And I know women who have the same policy.

On the other hand, I have good friends who go out as they please, with anyone they please. They trust their boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses, and their partners trust them not to misbehave. And that's as complicated as it gets.

I fall somewhere in between: I don't mind if my guy has female friends. But if he talks to the same girl all the time, goes out drinking with her often, crashes at her place or ends up in date-like situations with her, I'm going to raise hell about it.

Of course, relationship rules don't just cover who you spend time with. They might apply to how long you date someone before stepping up the commitment; how fast you hop into bed with someone; when to say "I love you;" how a guy treats his exes; what a girl says to her friends about what happens in the bedroom.

In my rulebook, you've got to date someone for at least a year before moving in with them or getting engaged. Saying you love someone is OK, as long as it doesn't end up just being routine. Even if you love me, limit the PDA - too much public touching is a major turn off, and it's just not classy. And sharing generalities about your sexual satisfaction is fine - as is picking up tips from friends - but dishing intimate details about your partner's sexual prowess seems like dirty pool.

What dating rules do you have?

Have you ever had sex to gain something, boost your social standing or prove you could get it on with someone who is clearly out of your league? A recent study shows men are more likely than women to drop trou for these reasons.

Researchers found that surprising. But they weren't shocked that women are more likely to say they had sex because of love.

My favorite part of this study - a detailed analysis of why people have sex, based on responses from students at the University of Texas - is that men are more inclined to say they've had sex just because the opportunity presented itself, the other person demanded they have sex ... or because they were slumming.

People hop into bed together for many reasons: To get power, to relieve stress, to get off, to show love, to get exercise or simply because they're propelled by too much booze.

What motivates you toward sex? And have you done the deed for less-than-noble reasons?

I have a shameful secret to share: I've gone out with guys, many a time, for the meal.

Now, I'm not talking about long-term relationships here. Just, instead, casual first or second (or maybe third) dates where I happened to be more interested in the main course than the man.

That might sound crass.

But when you bring home a journalist's paltry paycheck, ramen quickly loses its appeal. The prospect of a fancy dinner - on someone else's dime - is so much more seductive.

During a stint working in Manhattan, I hit high-end restaurants on dates with older men who, with padded wallets, egos in need of stroking and lots of time on their hands, were the perfect targets. I was pleasant, chatty and flattering. I didn't change my story or tell them tall tales.

But I was mainly there to avoid another lonely night with a cup of noodles seasoned with MSG.

I tested the same M.O. during college, when younger guys who seemed to know no financial bounds offered to upgrade dinner from cheap Chinese to a three-course Italian meal. White tablecloths would always win me over.

Ladies, have you ever stooped to my level - going on a date for reasons other than the guy? And fellas, do you despise me now that I've revealed my dirty little secret?

Breaking up in the digital age isn't easy.

There aren't just boxes of stuff to sort through or debates over which books and CDs belong to whom. What if you share a blog? An e-mail address? Computer files? Your laptop? Or a Web site?

I was talking to a good friend recently who made a joint e-mail address with her boyfriend when they moved in together. Let's call them John and Jane, to protect their identities.

They started a blog, chronicling their adventures together. They got engaged and created a wedding Web site.

Then they split up. Suddenly JohnandJane@EmailAddress.com wasn't such an appealing alias. Posts on the blog became bitter, and the site fizzled and died. And the wedding Web site? Yeah, so much for that idea.

Meanwhile, John and Jane were wrangling over digital files. Whose TV shows were on whose computer? Had they shared e-mail passwords? What saved personal information was in the wrong place? And how to notify all their friends of new e-mail addresses and outposts on the Web.

The whole thing made me realize how much more complicated the ritual of returning stuff becomes when you throw the Web into the mix.

Have you ever been through a hassle like this? How have you handled the division of stuff when you've split up from people?

So today's post is about how you define cheating.

Is it all about intent? A thought? Or does it have to be something more concrete? Something physical?

Is a kiss enough? Or does your definition of cheating require the clothes to come off?

I got to thinking about this Friday, when I was reading this article in the weekend's Wall Street Journal.

Basically, it tells the story of a middle-aged married man who has built a virtual life for himself in Second Life, that online community that lets you build a digital existence for an avatar, often an idealized Web-based version of yourself.

The problem: This guy isn't just married in real life. He's also shacking up with a chick in his Second Life.

The whole story's hilarious, and a little creepy. My favorite quote: "'It's really devastating,' says Sue Hoogestraat, 58, an export agent for a shipping company, who has been married to Mr. Hoogestraat for seven months. 'You try to talk to someone or bring them a drink, and they'll be having sex with a cartoon.'"

Part of me says that's cheating. And part of me says it's totally unreal - maybe sex with an online character doesn't really count as sex. Apparently affairs limited to cyberspace aren't legally considered adultery. Legality aside, though, they've got to take an emotional toll.

Where do you draw the line on cheating? And how does technology - be it flirting or sex in a chat room, on instant messenger, through text messages or by phone - complicate things?

I don't think that much about what I order on a date.

Sure, I'll cruise the menu, consider a few options, cut out the most expensive item.

I probably won't order something that's hard to eat or that's likely to get stuck in my teeth. But, beyond that, I don't really consider what my food choice says about me.

Recently, though, I was talking with a friend about the food dilemma. You know, how some women order steaks to seem like they can cut it with the guys? And other women go for a salad because they're afraid they'll otherwise look fat?

This friend - a guy - reads a lot into women's menu picks. If a chick orders something she doesn't really want to eat just to present a particular image, he says, then what's to say she won't skew the truth during the rest of the relationship?

I think that might be going a little overboard.

But it's clear what you order - and eat - makes some sort of first impression.

Ladies, do you have rules about what you eat on a date with a new guy?

And fellas, do you even notice what a woman is eating?

Or are we all just over-thinking things?

Living together is a complicated issue in my family.

Growing up in a more conservative, religious household, I was spoonfed the idea that shacking up with a boyfriend someday would be a grave sin. Not only would it put a stain on my reputation, but also it likely would make any future marriage more likely to end badly, according to my mother.

I didn't really think about that until, within the past few years, everyone I know started moving in together. Suddenly party invitations came from a pair of people. My girlfriends began referring to home as "our house."

For a while, I stayed a member of the anti-cohabitation crowd. Not because I thought that was the moral high ground. And not because I had any problem with other people sharing space - though I was surprised at how quickly people would move in together, committing to shared space and a shared life after only a few months of dating.

I just didn't like the idea. Sharing a bathroom with a guy on a regular basis? No thanks. Having someone else around in the mornings when I'm grouchy and the evenings when I just want to decompress from the work day? Not the best idea.

One night, I found myself at a bar with a close friend, both of us ranting about how we weren't going to get tied down. Then, less than two months later, I decided to move in with my boyfriend of two years.

The response from my family was not good, to say the least. No one disowned me, but there was a constant stream of disapproval and I heard many lectures on how this would ruin marriage for me and drive my future chances of a happy union downhill.

I think friends found it funny, now that I'd followed suit and made a decision to do something I'd so strongly opposed before.

Deciding to live together, though, didn't make me a total convert to the arrangement. I'm not anti-cohabitation, but I also haven't joined the camp of people who believe it's a necessary step in a relationship and important to try on before marriage.

So weigh in, people. Where do you stand on living with your significant other? When is it a good thing, and when is it a problem? And what have your experiences told you about the way living with someone changes or affects your relationship?

Ever read advice columns online or in the newspaper?

Inevitably, once every few weeks or so, there's a letter that goes something like this:

"Dear so-and-so, My boyfriend was so svelte when we started dating, but after two years of a relationship, he's really put on the pounds. Now I'm having trouble getting all hot and bothered over him. Is there something I can say or do to fix this problem? Help!"

Or this:

"Dear so-and-so, Since we moved in together, my girlfriend has stopped hitting the gym and packed on some weight. When I bring this up, she just gets angry, and we end up fighting. Is there any solution?"

Inevitably, the columnist says something about loving a person for who they are - not what they look like - and planning joint fitness or health activities, like eating good meals together or going for a hike on the weekends.

It's a tough thing when your partner changes his or her appearance in a way you don't like. Some people opt to ignore it and tell white lies. Others harp on the changes until they cause tension and trouble. What's the happy medium, though?

Have you ever been involved with someone who let themselves go - or kept themselves up in a way that really turned you off (a new haircut, maybe, or a drastic change in wardrobe)? If so, what did you do?

And what do you think the appropriate response is to a partner's gaining weight or changing in a way that bothers you or turns you off?

Can a cat person and a dog person set aside their differences and find love together?

OK, so that's sort of a silly question.

But pets play a pretty large role in relationships. And if you don't like your partner's pet - or your partner's pet doesn't like you - there definitely could be a problem.

I have a good friend whose rather large mutt hates her boyfriend and is generally unfriendly to men. Everytime the guy comes over, her dog barks and growls and, ultimately, has to be put outside.

Then there are the poor guys who get subjected to women's teacup pups. They end up standing in the shoe section of Macy's, waiting for their girlfriends, and holding the hot pink Juicy Couture dog carrier with the chihuahua or mini pinscher inside.

Perhaps the worst situation, though, is my poor boyfriend. He's a dog person, with visions of a large canine companion to roam the backyard and go along on hikes. Yet he's stuck with my cat - no small challenge, considering that he's allergic and spends a lot of time blowing his nose and popping allergy pills.

But I'm a cat person. And there was no way I was going to give up my pet when we moved into a house together. Still, I know that hasn't been too easy on him.

What role do your pets play in your romantic relationships? And do you see yourself as incompatible with someone who can't take your side in the cat-dog debate?

Ever had a close friend whose partner or spouse you just can't stand?

In college, I dated a guy for more than a year and felt like my friends always were a little stand-offish with him. When we broke up - after he cheated on me and stole money from me (yeah, this one was a real winner) - I found out that my friends had hated him all along. They tried to be tolerant and supportive, but hanging around the guy just gave them the creeps.

I thought about this yesterday, when a caller to one of my favorite radio shows asked how she could run a background check on her close friend's fiance. She didn't trust the guy and was worried about her friend's well-being.

I'm guilty of doing things like that. Maybe it's the once-burned, twice-shy thing. When my friends start dating new guys - particularly ones who rub me the wrong way or strike me as a little sketchy - I can't help hopping on Google, taking a tour of MySpace and checking out public records online to make sure my fears aren't justified.

Yeah, it's sort of passive aggressive. After all, I could just tell my friends that I'm not a really big fan of their current boy toys. But something always keeps me from being that blunt.

What would you do if a close friend was dating a guy, or girl, who turned you off or made your skin crawl a little bit? Would you tell them how you feel? Or would you just stay out of things?

Ever get that feeling of irrational but totally overwhelming fear growing deep in the pit of your stomach?

That's the feeling I get whenever I introduce a new boyfriend to my family.

It doesn't matter how much I've prepped him, and it doesn't matter how well he can sell himself. For about a week before that first meeting, I end up seeing whomever I'm dating through my parents' eyes.

And it goes both ways for me. No matter how many times I see a guy's parents, I'm still nervous and worried that I'm going to slip up. That I'll make a bad impression.

How do you handle meetings like this? Does you have any particularly memorable stories about meeting someone's parents or bringing someone you've dated home?

When I recently saw the new rankings of cities for singles from Forbes.com, I had to laugh.

Beyond big cities, it seems, the magazine found little to say about opportunities and outlets for singles to get down and get together. (I also was pretty shocked Detroit made the list, having spent some time there as a teenager. Sure, it's a big place. But I doubt I'd move back there for the culture or nightlife.)

And not a single N.C. city made the list.

Now, I've made fun of the Triad before. And downtown Greensboro or Winston-Salem certainly isn't the meatpacking district. But I'd argue there's plenty for singles to do here - whether it's taking a short day trip, dining out or heading downtown at night.

Sure, I've struggled to meet interesting guys. But it's not as though there's a lack of places to chat up new people - I've met men at the bowling alley, out at clubs in downtown Greensboro, shopping over at FantaCity, while grabbing drinks with friends at casual downtown restaurants and sometimes when I'm running around for work.

And my friends who live in larger cities can't necessarily say the same. Just last weekend I was chatting with a friend up in New York - one of the highly-ranked Forbes cities - who always describes herself as being in a city of millions where individual people just don't talk.

If you were making an (unscientific) list, how would the Triad's cities rank as digs for singles? What factors would go into your decision?

Ever met anyone on Facebook, MySpace or other social networking sites?

I consider myself pretty open to new people and new things, but I just can't fathom building a meaningful relationship with someone based on their online face. Yet it's clear that people are using social networking sites more often for first encounters - whether it's meeting your college roommate, finding familiar connections when you move to a new place, or seeking out dates.

A lot of sites like Facebook might be about friends, but it's obvious there's a dating component. Why else would you advertise your relationship status in your profile? And why else would my friends keep up with each other's dating lives through changes in a profile-holder's relationship status?

Since the Unbuttoned crew has now officially joined Facebook, Wingfella, Ruby and I thought we'd ask you today about your notable social-networking experiences. We want to hear how these sites have worked for you - and what social-networking sites you think are the best for meeting new people and kick-starting relationships.

Hey folks. I know two posts on a lazy Friday has just got to blow your mind.

But I couldn't help responding when I heard that we aren't only being parodied - how fun! - but that Ruby and I are being cast as self-described man-magnets by a fellow blogger.

Chalk that one up to Ruby, whose stories would lead you to believe she's left a miles-long trail of dazed men in her wake.

I don't know that I'd be so confident, kids.

And as for Wingfella, well, that guy needs some serious help with the ladies ;).

I had a tough conversation with a childhood friend earlier this week.

She's in her mid-20s, in graduate school and generally living it up after four years in a serious relationship that went bust. We don't get to talk often, being in different time zones with busy schedules. But we like to share stories about the places we go and the people - usually guys - we meet from time to time.

But when she called this week, I knew it was about something more serious. Her doctor ran some tests at a recent appointment, and it turns out she has HPV.

Now my friend, an attractive girl with an active dating life, doesn't know what to do. It's still setting in, I think, that she has a sexually transmitted disease. She doesn't know where it came from. (She's careful, she says, and uses protection when she's not in a long-term, monogamous relationship.) And she's struggling with the prospect of telling this to the guys she meets, if and when things get serious.

I tried to assure her that something like that wouldn't make the worthwhile guys shy away. (After all, about 20 million people have HPV, and - a shocking figure here - 80 percent of women will have picked up one of these infections by age 50.)

But I had to wonder, really, how other people might react when she shares this news. So I decided to bring that conversation here, since all of you readers can be anonymous in your responses.

Would you date someone who has HPV or another sexually transmitted disease? Have you ever done that? And have you ever had to face the possibility of an STD changing your life and your feelings about dating and relationships?

Good morning, all. Anyone do anything exciting this weekend?

I went out to dinner at a neighborhood restaurant and couldn't help listening to the conversation at the table behind me. A group of women, probably all in their 30s, was working their way through an assortment of drinks. And the more they drank, the more they opened up about the guys they knew, the ones they were sleeping with and the ones they wanted to be sleeping with.

Of course, I found this hilarious. (I think my date, though, was a little put-off that my focus was on the neighboring table.)

When I hear public conversations like this - and I hear them often at restaurants, at stores and, particularly, in salons - I can't help, in part, being horrified that women will talk so readily about the details of their sex lives where anyone can hear.

On the other hand, there have been times, usually after a few glasses of wine, when I've indulged in similar behavior. Conversations about a guy's prowess. Ranking guys I've slept with. And making fun of my one-night stands over dinner with a friend.

Do you share intimate details of your dates/flings/relationships with other people? What sort of things are not OK to share with friends when you're dating someone? And would you be offended to overhear a public conversation about about a guy's, ahem, parts? Or a detailed rundown of a recent tumble in the bedroom?

I've been doing some pretty unscientific research into how women change their habits in a long-term relationship or when they move in with a guy.

One recurring theme: Moving in or getting hitched is apparently a quick path to putting on some pounds.

Been there. Done that. (The living together thing - not the marriage one.)

Can't say I understand why, though. Some people speculate women gain weight when they're no longer searching for - and trying to appeal to - a mate. Others say it's all about matching a partner portion for portion. Some couples cook more at home when they're together. Others eat in front of the TV every night - a sure way to get fatter, quicker.

Fewer studies seem to be devoted to guys packing on the pounds in the same way. And fewer women seem to mind if their boyfriends or husbands gain a little weight.

What have you experienced in your relationships? How have your partner's habits impacted or changed you? Ladies - do you put on a few comfort pounds when you're happy or in love? Guys - does this go both ways, or do women carry this weight alone?

Last night I was reading a women's fitness magazine at the gym before going out, and I stumbled over this article. Needless to say, the details of women's below-the-belt cosmetic surgery left a somewhat sour taste in my mouth.

I've never really understood the compulsion other women have to tinker with their bodies - tightening their tummies, pumping up their breasts, lifting their butts and, more often every year, revamping their most private of parts.

Sure, I'm far from perfect, and there are days I'd like to trade parts of my body in for new ones. And I think any women who has ever felt self-conscious being naked or worried that she's not "normal" can sort of understand the desire to remake the goods to look more like the "standard" - or more like a porn star.

I've known women with breast implants, and most of them claimed they got implants to boost their self-esteem. But I have a hard time buying that when these same women spend an evening at the bar offering everyone a chance to poke and feel their fake breasts.

And I think there's a big jump between wondering whether you're normal and jumping at plastic surgery when it comes to something like vaginal-rejuvenation surgery. No matter how much I liked a guy, I wouldn't go under the knife so that I could be more like his image of beauty or sexy.

So what do you all think about this blitz of sex-related cosmetic surgery? Does it really improve sex for women who have certain parts snipped and others enhanced? And would you ever have cosmetic surgery to please a partner?

I was talking with a close friend this week about his long-term, long-distance relationship.

He's been dating a mutual friend for almost four years, I think, and they've been living in different states for about a year. Now she's found a job in the Triad. He's living in the Triangle.

All the time they were living so far apart - and making long drives on the weekends to see each other - he never complained to me. So I was surprised this week when he said that long-distance is the hardest thing he's ever done. And that he's considering yet another move - and possibly a change of careers - to be close to her.

I was wowed by his dedication. And a little shamed to think that I, probably, would not be willing to make that same sacrifice.

I've been in long-distance relationships; some have gone well, and others have fizzled. But I've rarely thought about all the time, effort and sheer patience that must go into maintaining and strengthening a relationship when the key players are in different places.

What's your stance on long-distance relationships? Do they have potential, or are they doomed from the start?

Let's hear some of your long-distance success stories - or horror stories.

(Sorry for the late post this morning, all ...)

We all know office romances are supposed to be taboo.

But anyone who has ever been romantically entangled with someone at work - particularly if it's a secret - likely knows the thrill of getting it on behind your co-workers' backs.

I started thinking about workplace romances the other day, while watching Jim and Pam float along in their happy little bubble on "The Office," while Angela and Dwight fought it out.

It's been a long time since I've dated anyone in the workplace - about five years, actually, since I've had a serious office romance - but I still remember how exciting, and somewhat titillating, the whole thing can be.

What's your history of office romances? Have you had any that worked out? And if you've dated someone at work and then had things fall apart, how did it impact your job?

I've never had sex in an airplane bathroom.

Now, I was traveling this weekend and ended up next to a pretty cute guy on the plane.

We were chatting, having a good conversation. And I started to think about how the talk would end, if we were in a movie. You know - in the tiny stall at the back of the plane, with a lot of contortions going on and, likely, lots of disruption to other passengers (hey, it's not like those bathroom doors provide much of a buffer).

I'm not really disappointed that "mile-high" doesn't appear on the list of exciting or odd places I've done the deed. I've got other stories - with locales ranging from the beach (when someone walked right by in the middle, unfortunately); to, of course, the car of almost anyone I dated in college; to public spaces like the library or an office building, after hours.

Magazine articles have been written about people who get into public sex. There are social networking groups devoted to the topic. And there are plenty of Web sites that will give you tips about where to go, what to do and how to keep from being caught.

So what do you think? Where do you stand on sex in public places? And where are some of the most public or unusual places you've gotten it on?

A married couple I'm friends with recently hit Inferno downtown for the first time. They're in their 30s, with a young kid, and this was their first weekend off in a long time.

When they told me Inferno, the club in the same building with Rum Runners, was their destination, I laughed. I haven't been in there yet, being too turned off by the '70s getups on the mannequins in the windows and the ridiculous wigs they're wearing.

My friends had a blast, they said. It was ridiculous. And campy. And definitely worth a trip.

I'll admit I've had trouble getting into the Greensboro club scene. Heaven is fun, but the music doesn't do much for me. The N Club and Red Room seem hit-or-miss. I know a few people who swear by Remix VIP downtown, where the Flying Anvil used to be, but I haven't been in that building since I went there to see a Cat Power show there. And Jabs Ultra Bar on Lee Street always seems busy, but I've never really felt compelled to stop by.

Instead, I'm more likely to hit up an old standby, probably a bar - like College Hill Sundries over by UNCG or Fishbones on Walker Avenue. Those are places where I'm sure to meet someone interesting and have a shot at a good conversation.

Am I missing something in the Greensboro club scene, though? If you're up for dancing or an evening out, which hot spots are you likely to hit up? And are there certain places that are best for meeting guys or girls?

Sorry about the late post today, all. The rain's throwing me off my regular schedule.

So last weekend I was poking through a used book store when I found a hilarious book of dirty limericks, some dating back more than a hundred years. Most of them were so filthy I couldn't even write the first line here - and the book was made even funnier by the fact that it was totally serious and academic, with footnotes and everything.

I found myself propped up between bookshelves for about 20 minutes, alternately giggling like a third grader and being totally appalled that anyone's mind could be that dirty.

Dirty talk's funny, but I wouldn't ever call it a turn-on.

I'm more likely to laugh than to get thrilled when someone tries out spicy language in the bedroom. I think people generally come off as ridiculous when they try to talk dirty, whether it's in person, on the phone, or through text messages or some other format. It's too contrived.

How do you feel about talking dirty to someone or having someone talk dirty to you? Is that sort of thing a turn-on? And how do you successfully toss that spice into your sex life without turning it into a joke or breaking the mood?

A few years ago, I stopped judging potential conquests by whether a guy had a ring on his finger.

It's not that I'm into married guys; quite the contrary, since I'd hate to set myself up from the first to be competing with another woman. Besides, it's an ethical no-no for me. Though I've gotten involved with guys who were already in relationships, dating a married man, to me, is crossing a serious line.

But it's tough to tell now whether or not a guy is married. A ring on that key finger could just be an accessory. And I know a few guys who, though they're married, have never worn a ring - they don't like wearing jewelry; it's uncomfortable; they'd fidget it off and lose it; whatever the reason.

So how, other than if a guy comes straight out and tells you, can you be certain someone's hitched before you spend much time chatting them up? I'm not talking about planning a wedding and future babies' names here, or anything; it's just a waste of a few hours at a bar if a guy's already sharing his home and, possibly, his name with someone.

Have you unknowingly hit on a married person before? What's your strategy for finding out if someone's attached or not? And do you have any horror stories of relationships with married partners?

The age of the cheesy come-on or the casual pick-up line apparently isn't over.

I was filling up my car at the Texaco on Spring Garden yesterday when a guy walked out of the convenience store there, got into his truck and slowly pulled up next to my car. He leaned out the window and said "Can I ask you a question?" Followed by: "Has anyone told you yet today how beautiful you are?"

I muttered something semi-polite and awkward, and he went on his way. Afterward, I burst out laughing. Who says stuff like that in real life? And how is the object of a line like that possibly supposed to come up with a response?

I'm not so slick thinking on my feel, particularly when a situation requires a sharp or witty comeback. And I rarely struggle more to respond than when a random guy tosses a cheesy line my way. I know my face betrays my struggle between laughing, blushing and rolling my eyes when a guy comes out with something about my daddy being an astronaut (come on, you've all heard that one, right?) or how tired I must be, having run through his mind all night.

Those are some of the worst lines I've heard - but I'm sure you all could add some memorable lines you've heard - or used - to the list. What are your worst-rated pick-up lines? And what's your response when someone tries to use a line on you?

Today, let's talk about ways to revive a relationship that's gotten routine.

We've all been there. You date someone for a year or so, and you're happy with them. But somehow the spark has just fizzled out of things. Maybe it's not exciting anymore. Maybe you just don't know where the relationship is going; you're in a holding pattern.

Or maybe you're going through a dry spell, where you share a bed with someone most nights, but the only thing you're doing in that bed is sleeping.

I've been in a few relationships where the excitement just fades away after the first few months. The guy might be great, and I might love being with him, but the relationship has become more like a really close friendship than any sort of romance. With some relationships, I've been able to revive things; others just can't be saved.

Have you been in relationships that lost their sizzle? What happened? And what are your suggestions for putting the spice back into a relationship that's gotten a little stale?

So my days of kiss-and-tell are over, friends.

After a few months here at Unbuttoned, I'm moving on to other things and leaving the blog to Ruby and Wingfella. What can I say? I'm totally commitment-phobic.

That's not to say I won't come back on the rebound. In fact, I'm sure I'll be making some return appearances in the comments field, saying something snarky about Ruby's love life or Wingfella's lack of love life ;).

Those of you who regularly e-mail me to share ideas or comment on posts, give Ruby and Wingfella a chance. You can find them on MySpace, friend them on Facebook or reach them the old-fashioned way, by e-mail, at ruby@news-record.com or wingfella@news-record.com.