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I grew up in and around Charlotte until I joined the working world and eventually moved here.

Bachelordom and relationships share space on my dating resume, and I've learned that both arrangements tend to have their trade-offs. That also means that I've committed plenty of time to finding dates and/or trying to peer into the mind of the opposite sex. Don't mistake that for skill or wisdom with either task, however.

At 27 years old, the pizza boxes don't stay on my apartment floor as long as before, but I remember the good ol' days fondly.

As for what I like to do, going outside, writing, reading and listening to live music are up there with drinking good beer and watching pro football.

Dinner and a movie? Boring!

The first-ever first date I went on involved me and my 83 Honda Accord with a freshman from my high school. I was 17 at the time. We ordered sandwiches at a cafe and had cake. Afterward, we talked about how blue the sky was at dusk. Sweet, huh?

These days, it seems that getting away from that dinner/movie stuff is the best bet to get to know someone.

My most successful first date ever started at College Hill Sundries and ended at the Rhino. My friends have taken dates disc golfing, thrift store shopping, to concerts and out on paddle boats.
They're simple ideas, but establishing that "I'm going to be different," makes your date know you're not the norm.

I say keep the dinner/movie for date No. 2. That's when the magic happens anyway.

So what other places around here are good for an anti-first first date? Any bombs? Super successes?

Only through work at Belk did I know this short cute blonde crush through my teenage years. She, like so many others, would become my imaginary girlfriend.

You see, I was what they call a "late bloomer."

Not until after about age 18 did I ever get a serious girlfriend, and even then it was never that serious. There never was a high school sweetheart. There were plenty of girl-friends, but not girlfriends.

That put me at a disadvantage when it came time to talk about past relationships with any particular current romantic interest. All I had was a bunch of two week long flings.

These days, it's not so hard to maintain a relationship that lasts longer than a couple weeks or months. But what other late bloomers are out there?

Is waiting for a worthwhile "one" really fear of commitment, being too picky, or is it just knowing what you want?

After the sting, the scar tissue is tougher. And it makes you battle ready for other stuff to come.

Looking for a prom date, I was shot down by three different girls. The last one I asked didn't even go to my high school. She had no real excuse.

(Full disclosure: I was a skinny, zitty teenager and more well-known than popular)

College gave me a couple hookups, but even more denials. Hey, when you're a freshman, it's hard to get some.

Well, that time out on the dating firing range teaches you somethin':

1. Know when to cut your losses.
2. It's not the end of the world. There are many fish in the pond.
3. If you don't shoot, you don't score.

After a tough couple years I became a confident, not desperate fella. If they didn't want me, chances are I don't want them either. And I became OK with simply being friends - a woman friend makes for a great wingman.

All because I was shot down a bunch.

What has being shot down taught you? How have you changed, post-dumping?

This applies to anything, from cooking an egg to sex. If you don't know what you're doing, then make sure you have someone there that does.

Otherwise, the first time out can be a disaster. Which mine was.

I didn't know what to do, she didn't either. At the end we had more questions than answers. It was much later that I would 'round the bases again.

Overall, it seemed kind of pointless, embarassing and not what I thought it could be.

How was your first? Amazing? Embarassing? Painful?

Remember: this is a public forum. Please don't write anything that would offend your mom or grandmother.

In the late 90s, it was briefly cool to let the thong hang out above the beltline.

Numerous women took that as a chance to express themselves in lace, polyester and all manner of elastic material. Sometimes it just looked painful.

Styles have changed, and underwear is now often below the waists of those low-rise jeans. But a few have failed to catch on to this decade. Really, if things are going well enough, us fellas will see them eventually.

So, a few questions.

Is it really that sexy, in public, to let it all hang out? Has there been a prospect that you shut off due to too much undies on the outies?

A friend of mine recently joked that she wanted someone that she could call occasionally, with no strings attached, for an evening.

And not for an evening of playing cards.

Somewhere out there, people have friends-with-benefits. But I've never heard of it starting easily or ending well.

I've never gone that way for many reasons. So often I hear that one person becomes attached, and then it's a problem. For many, there's a big moral issue to get around. There's also the possiblity of a health risk. And with any relationship, there's expectations.

Friends-with-benefits seems to only exist on television sitcoms and in a comedian's punch line.

So does the friends-with-benefits arrangement only work well on paper, but not in practice? Have you ever heard of one that worked with no complications?

Ladies, we know you really watch football for the tight pants. Same for baseball, too. To deny it would be like guys saying that we ignore the cheerleaders.

But most of us non-professional athletes rely on the gym or a rec sports league to find other active people in the real world.

Some of those sports seem to attract the attractive. Or maybe the activity just whips participants into shape.

Either way, my friends and I have agreed that female rock climbers and paddlers tend to be pretty hot to trot. And there's the mystique and grace surrounding gymnasts and dancers.

As summer gets underway, most folks become more active either watching or participating in sports.

Which sports and activities have the highest hottie ratio? Have you ever gotten a date through recreation like jogging clubs or the local softball league?

Somewhere in the first few dates, most people have a conversation like this:

Guy: You know what really irks me?

Gal: What?

Guy: People who (talk in libraries/use cell phones in public/kick puppies/quote Meg Ryan movies/etc.)

Gal: Ohmygosh! Me too!

And both wind up feeling more affectionate because they've got more in common through stuff they both can't stand.

Now you can find those people with similar dislikes online.

We know that similar interests are part of the foundation of a relationship. But what about common dislikes? What things have you and others united under in mutual disdain?

The first girl I kissed was not of my skin tone. I was 13, it was spin the bottle, and it landed on Courtney. So we kissed.

She was cute, too.

It wasn't a big deal to me or my friends - several interracial couples lived around the neighborhood.

In this new millennium, mixed couples seem to not turn as many heads as they might have in 1991.

But this isn't a discourse on society's thoughts on race and relationships. That topic is exhausted.

Instead, I want to know - does hotness know no color? We know about jungle fever, and its permutations.

I've heard several definitions:

-He/she has kids and an ex-spouse.
-The last boyfriend cheated on her pretty badly and she's not trusting or interested in relationships.
-They've just come out of some traumatic life event (parent loss, fired from a job, disease diagnosis, etc.).
-He/she's been a "player" for most of their lives and, aside from a dubious hookup history, doesn't have a faithful track record.
-They're clean now, but just spent time in rehab to get that way.

The list goes on.

Whatever the excuse, nobody seems to want damaged goods in a mate. Problem is, that would pretty much keep any of us from coupling up, and pretty soon the human race would come to an end.

Somehow we get over it. What I want to know is how it's done.

I've turned a blind eye to craziness after a bad diagnosis, helped people through change after the loss of a loved one, and seen my never-married bachelor friends marry single moms.

At some point, I've heard those people all described as "damaged goods." Despite that, the relationships worked out.

Why do we seem afraid of dating people with a bad reputation or tough pasts? At what point is it too much to take on with someone else? What issues have you overlooked in someone that would turn others away?

It's Friday night, you're out at your favorite hangout with a buddy, having a cold beer after a long, hot workweek.

You didn't notice her when you walked in, but she's with a friend. They're doing pretty much the same thing as you and your buddy - chatting, catching up, relaxing. You make eye contact with her from across the room. Maybe she just happened to look your way, maybe she's interested. There's only one way to find out, really.

So, how do you do it?

Send your buddy over as a wingman to break a little ice with the girls while you head to the bathroom, come out and then come in with your game?

Wait for her friend to walk off, then get her one on one?

Walk over and chat with them both, use a simple (but funny) pickup line, and have your buddy come in as wingman to backup a minute later?

Go straight up and say that she's been driving you crazy for the past half hour and you have to meet her?

What's the play?

And I hope we get some women responding here, too. What would you prefer?

In an earlier post we went over the wingman.

Many commenters tended to view that as an unnecessary and useless game.

We all play games. Sometimes a date notices, others go below the radar. And it usually drives us nuts once we're keen to a game that a date is playing.

I had a girl-friend who once told me that for most first dates, she's intentionally late by about five minutes because it builds anticipation. She had a lot of first dates.

Anyone who's seen Swingers knows all about the two day rule. For those who have not, it's this: wait at least two days after getting someone's number before you call.
I've heard women say that drives them crazy. And not good-crazy, either.

What do you do when you figure out someone else's game? Play along knowingly or call them out? What games bug you? Have you had any backfire?

The couple times I've actually tried to get into an exclusive club or bar, I got past the velvet rope only if I had a group of girls along.

No girls, no entry.

It's the two-chicks-for-every-dude rule. When turned away, it only made me want in a little more, 'cause I knew hotties waited inside.

What if it was even?

At the freakonomics blog, there's a description of a woman who was refused from the club.

They wanted to let more guys in.

I disagree, even though I'm one of those duffs who doesn't have the wallet or Brad Pitt looks to get in to those places.

If I have to bring girl-friends along to make my chances of getting in easier, that only makes my chances of getting a date easier once inside.

And I can let the other dudes buy them drinks. My buddy once said, "Before 11, you're buying drinks for another man, anyway."

What do you think? Make the clubs more even, or keep the status quo?

Negging.

It's the art of taking a hottie down a notch to get her wondering why you're not drooling all over yourself.

Then she puts a little more of herself out there, and makes it easier for you to close the deal.

Hey, I didn't write it, I'm merely a conduit for the message. Until recently, I knew nothing about negging.

Now this mystery guy has turned some of the fundamentals of dating-theory around and made men more effective at getting numbers, and notches on the bed post.

Call me old-fashioned, but being a decent human being with a slightly dry sense of humor seemed to work for me.

But I'm willing to see what is the method behind a guy like Mystery (not his real name). Shoot, now he even has a VH1 show about getting average dudes paired with hotties.

So, anyone out there familiar with this Mystery Method? Is it worth a darn? Would you consider taking one of those crazy-expensive courses?

Then again, it's cheaper than a Ferrari.

A few weeks back my friend Doug was talking about how there always seems to be a sticking point in his past relationships where things just get too familiar - same thing, night in, night out, day in, day out.

Not that it's a bad relationship, but that there seems to be a case of the doldrums. It's not boredom, he said, it's just that things have gotten too routine.

Then I thought about couples that seem to be happy are ones that do stuff all the time - go out to a different place, try new things together, get into new stuff.

Doug and his girl will spend Saturdays doing what they like - he goes racing, she goes to yard sales and such - and then get back together. Another couple I know does a new activity together on a weekend every month or so. Stuff like climbing, yoga, tennis and such.

And there's the old bed & breakfast retreat that lots of people do.

When you don't want a different companion, but want something new going on, how do you do it?

Is it a matter of finding a new activity to do in tandem? Spending more time alone on new things and then coming back with that to the relationship? How do you inject a little more excitement to fight back stillness?

A few buddies I know have had women approach them when they believed that they were at their dirtiest (or close to it).

Right now, let's make a difference between cleanliness and hygiene. It's possible to be dirty, but have clean teeth and non-overpowering B.O.

We're talking about stuff like after a hike, some yard work or washing the car/dog. Not gross from helping your cousin move the compost pile and clean the gutters.

My friend Geoff once found a date in the produce section on his way home from playing an hour of basketball. He was picking out oranges.

For guys, it could just be that, when sweaty, we're surprised that anyone would speak to us. So we notice when someone does.

But for the point of discussion - and I know people like this are out there - does a good, honest, sweat make some people more attractive?

Is it pheromones? Is it the thought, "If so-and-so has it happening now, then just imagine how they might clean up?"

Knowing that a good shower has many benefits - Wingfella condones using soap with water, folks - have there been times that you've been a little grungy but still managed to meet someone?

How about the other way? Have you ever approached a guy or girl who had a little dirt under their nails, because of the dirt under their nails?

This weekend I spent about 20 hours in a car driving with my cousin and his wife, a pair of married people in their mid-20s.

They're both cool, fun and busy with careers, but also are working on building a family, house and life with all the trimmings - which could soon include a baby.

That world is different enough from my lifestyle that I'm not sure if I'll ever get there. Not that the whole family thing is bad. Really it's more about mental distance between their lives and mine.

And though my cousin and his wife are "settled down," they manage to take trips, party a little and still have plenty of fun. It's just a different kind of fun. It's more sporadic, but more enjoyable when it happens.

Seeing a good glimpse into their life together makes me curious. I want some young married folks to weigh in here.

What did you do differently after a couple years of marriage? How do you make the settled-down life work but still find a way to remind yourselves that you're still young?

To all women out there: subtle hints do not work.

I would guess that most of you in relationships knew that you wanted your man long before he knew. It's because men are clumsy with the hints that women toss around. Not that there's anything bad about that. Good heavens, we thank you for your gentle nature.

Heck, we're still a bit caveman, and often consider bonking someone on the head to cut to the chase. Not that we would ever really do such a thing.

Aside from all that, there are obvious signs of attraction that go both ways. Like when a guy lingers just a little past the point of a conversation's end, and asks you if you want to do "something" later (it doesn't matter - mini golf, coffee, lunch - just that she agrees to doing anything).
Gals throw out their hints - the hair flips, the look/look-away from across the room or just standing a little differently when talking to you.

Folks like Mystery and magazines like Cosmo document other flirt tips in a million different ways, like it really helps any of us. I read once that she's interested in you if she rubs her hands together when you talk. Get real.

Of course we could all just be blunt. Eventually we get there with any love interest. But along the way we all flirt in some way.

So what hints have you used that someone just didn't get? What have you picked up on that are sure-fire signs of interest from a crush every time?

We know that all women take an extra five minutes more than they tell you to get ready for a big date.

We figure it into our planning. If the movie is at 7, we know that it has to be factored in, even though you will just sit in the dark for two hours. In fact, the tendency for a guy to be late may be a conditioned response from generations of mutual lateness.

And as ladies have some requisite get-ready time (what are they doing in there?), so do guys.

That, for me, takes 15-20 minutes, tops, from shower to shoes. Unless it's some huge deal, like a friend's wedding or a big date, then I might spent another minute or two. In the words of Andre 3000: "You know you've got company comin' over, so do scrub extra hard."

Despite what my prior posts may appear to say, I do appreciate cleanliness. But this isn't about that.

It's about the time spent doing so. Gals -why bother fussing over that one little eyebrow hair? We won't notice, I promise. Why spend so much time getting ready? Yes, you look good, smell nice, and we guys like that, but why not figure that time into getting ready? Is the intention to make a guy wait before the date, build tension and all that?

Or is it just 5 minutes of unaccounted-for freaking out that's spent on deciding what to wear?

It was a turning point when I realized that a girlfriend and I liked calling each-other "babe." I never thought I would be that.

But there I was, using - oh, no! - pet names and goofy terms of endearment.

And she was using them back.

This was something to be avoided, in my mind. Pet names are corny, even a bit girly. But we guys use them (admit it) and we hear them in return. And they're cute, it's true.

But don't get caught in front of your buddies using them.

There's a whole world of cute little terms of endearment out there, literally. French: mon petit chou (my little cabbage); German: Ich fresse dich (something like our "I could eat you up."); American: honey bunches.

Some don't even make sense. And there are limits, like when pet names get kinda far out. I've heard of some folks leaving their current girl/guy because of an inappropriate pet name used too soon. I once heard of someone being called "zipper queen" in an attempt to be cute. Really.

Today's blog is simple. What pet names have you used? What have you been called? What's the weirdest one you've heard? What's your favorite-ever? What drives you crazy?

What do you call your sweet thang? Lover? Baby? Sugah? Muffinbutt?

In a "Dear Abby" column I read yesterday, a writer said that she, a 34-year old woman, met a guy who was her age and they went out on a date.

They hit it off, and they got it on. Her words for it were "physically intimate."

Since that time, the guy hasn't called her back.

Abby said that's because she gave it up too soon.

I'm not sure there's a statute of limitations on when to hit the sheets. Moreover - and I'm speaking for about 99 percent of men across the world here - the sooner the better.

On that, my buddy Steve said he met a gal at an afternoon cookout in Charlotte, they hit it off, later went out to a bar, and then he took her home.

Over breakfast the next morning, she asked if he still respects her. He told me about that, and said it's A-OK with him - it just lets him know that she knows what she wants.

So are you more with Abby on this, or with my buddy Steve?

This post appears to be from Ruby, but is in fact from Wingfella.

I have a friend who will only date MILFs. I think he's on his third or fourth relationship with one right now.

With the divorce rate these days, it's not hard to find a real hot mama to date. And following a huge split like a divorce, folks generally start playing the field again.

He said that MILFs had to become moms somehow, and there's a pretty good chance that they know their way around a bedroom.

But mostly, he said, they know how to care for someone because that motherly gene has been turned on by having a kid. He also said it's fun to play around with kids, too.

As a guy in my late 20s, seeing MILFs out in the world gives me confidence that maybe one day my hottie would become a MILF too.

And not all MILFs are single. Most aren't. I remember several of my friends in high school pointing out this or that this or that guys' mom as a MILF. Since teenage boys aren't all that clever or quiet, it's not long before that mom finds out.

So I gotta wonder, what's it like for a MILF who knows she's a MILF? Is it just the same as being generally a hottie? I would imagine that the MILF title carries some responsibility (Is there a secret society?).

Also - to the guys out there with a MILF - why do you do it? Is there a particular reason you seek these kinds of women? In dating, besides having to find babysitters, what's the difference between dating a regular cutie or a hot mom?

As we've noted before, it took a while for me to come into my own.

Growing up, I saw the sporty types at the ol' high school getting up all the cute women. Later, in college, I saw that happen too. But there seemed to be a little more balance. Frat types and sorority girls got along, hippies dated hippies, punks got with punks and emo-kids were still lonely. There was also a little market for my type, whatever that was.

But one constant, it seems, is the drive to be perpetually physically fit for the opposite sex. Female eating disorders have been long been at least partially blamed on the value that our society puts on youth and image.

Is that affecting men, too?

Last week I had to buy new pants because they had started getting a bit snug. I'm on the last hole in a lot of my belts. Traditionally a skinny fella, I'm growing wider than I am taller for the first time in my life.

So, it's back to the gym, mostly because I can’t stand clothes shopping.

But as I hit the weights, I wonder. As a late 20-something, is image so important anymore as it was in the shallower high school and college years? Or is it more important, since we only have a few minutes to catch a gal's eye?

It's important for health to be fit, we know. But who do you do your sit-ups for? Why?

Lately we've talked about long distance relationships, and about moving in together.

What about mid-distance relationships?

Those are the ones where you're beyond simply dating, but not quite seeing each-other exclusively. Call 'em mid-ships.

A few years back I was dating/seeing this girl who was a bit frazzled and flighty. Though we saw each other for a couple months, it never seemed totally exclusive. She made herself available only when she wanted, and honestly, I did too.

We got to a point where we took a couple trips together, and I got friendly with her group of friends. At one point, we ate lunch with her mom.

I don't think either of us were seeing anyone else (I'm pretty sure that I wasn't, though the memory is a little foggy). We were past "kinda dating" area, but we never rolled over the hump of mid-shipping and into THE RELATIONSHIP.

That was all for the best, really. Hindsight is 20/20, and I doubt that either of us would have been happy together. She was nutty and a tad too country for my liking. I think she's married now, actually.

Anyway, the mid-ship petered out. One benefit of that situation is that there was no official breakup, since there was no official get-together. But it's a weird spot, and I've heard of others in that holding pattern before.

How many of you have been in that place? Are you comfortable there? What do you do to kick it over into the full-on relationship? Have you let them fizzle before?

Or does it have to be more organic in nature, and just flow into the real deal to be a good relationship?

There are plenty of those out there.

Ann Landers, Dear Abby, Ask Him Anything in Cosmo and this feature in Esquire are just a few examples.

The Onion even offers an advice column, though I'm not sure how practical the advice really is.

In movies and in TV shows, I've seen the joke all too often from a someone who reads an advice column, tries said technique/idea/new fun way of manipulation, and hilarity ensues.

A friend of mine in college was actually the subject of a letter written in to the local independent paper by his then-girlfriend, who caught him in the act with her roommate. He was super rich, and I think the subject of her letter was whether they should stay together because of his potential. The column didn't really offer any sound advice, but the two broke up anyway.

We still framed the article for him and hung it up in his house.

Generally, most advice columns seem geared more to giving out food for thought than actual paths of operation. Kind of like horoscopes, they serve more as entertainment than anything.

Sometimes I've found the advice useful, like that thing that I read once about the thing to try in the bedroom. That worked. I think. Or that time ... well, that's about it, really.

Still, I check out the Esquire feature, and the letters section in Playboy occasionally (which does have good articles, really). Overall, I dislike the advice columns for anything other than entertainment. If you need advice that badly, then get better friends.

What ones do you read? Have you ever written in to an advice column or been the subjects of someone else's letter? Gotten a response? Have you gained any useful know-how from them in mags or online? Or are they just entertainment?

Tucker Max, if you don't know about him, is hilarious. Sometimes vile, but often funny.

Checking up on his site, like I sometimes do, I ran across this blog about his move to Los Angeles.

I've never been there and am not too sure about whether I want to go, especially after reading his comments and seeing Californication -one of the best shows on TV now.

I have moved around a bit, though, and have a way to find a bead on the local culture. It begins with finding a decent dive or non-Hooters sports bar on the first night in town - because you want a cold beer after moving all your crap in a new place.

Next, find a good independent restaurant and a non-Starbucks coffeehouse. Between those three things you can meet a few folks and get a bead who is where and what's going on. It usually takes about six months of doing this type of thing before you're really settled.

That's what works for me. How about you? Is there a club or organization that you search out? A certain type of establishment you seek (like the YMCA, yard sales, country club, biker lounge, exclusive club or dive bar?) It would be good to hear what's hot about Greensboro, but I'm more interested in how you find out what's going on when you move to any area.

How long did it take you to feel like you're really plugged in?

While hiking with a girl-friend several years ago, she turned her ankle, fell, knocked her knee on a rock and scraped her leg.

Fortunately, the ankle wasn't too much of a deal. She was wearing some good supportive boots. But the knee and scrape were a big deal, in a big way, to her.

I've played a few contact sports over the years. She played soccer - which can be every bit as rough as many other games. After we took a break and found that her ankle was OK and she could walk, we moved on.

After a while, she complained about the pain in her knee and the scrape. More and more.

I'm no super macho-guy. A bad hangnail can ruin a day for me. But the knock and the scrape didn't seem to be all that much to me.

Then again, I'm no girl. And here's why I say that. Apparently, women feel more pain, which I can understand.

Armed with that knowledge a few years ago, I might have attended to my friend's injuries a bit better. For the record, they wound up being not that serious - a bruise and a scrape that didn't really even need a bandage.

That doesn't validate my reaction to her ailment, "Walk it off," which I'll blame on a history in contact sports. She took it in good humor, and we still cut the day short.

Reading that article on pain got me to thinking about dumb things that people say when they're misinformed. For example, when you meet someone out at night, start jiving, and then you joke about how you think elementary teachers must be dumb because they only have to deal with children.
Then you find out that the girl you're talking to is a teacher. (This actually happened to me. After the drink in the face, I now respect all teachers.)
Or how you think lawyers are money-grubbing scum, only to find out that her pops is a corporate attorney. (Never happened to me. Most lawyers are much more valuable than many people give them credit for.)

It's too late to go back in time and not tell my friend to "Walk it off." But how do you remove your foot from your mouth in those situations when you've swallowed it, shoe and all?

Do you have any gems of your own to share? How'd you recover? We can all learn from each-other here.

Bonus! Check out Ruby on iminlikewithyou.com!

Hooking up is different for women than men, according to one author.

Yesterday I heard WUNC's "The State of Things" discussion with Washington Post reporter Laura Sessions Stepp, which said that college-age women these days diss love in favor of the one-night stand, hooking up or whatever you call it.

Stepp said because of that, women are missing a shot at love, gain a warped sense of self (I'm paraphrasing here) and that running with "the boys" -in the feminist mindset- may not always be great.

So, I called my brother, who's a victory lap student in college.

He said that among his friends, some people hook up after a party, and others don't. But his closest buddies have girlfriends.

"There's always going to be someone hooking up somewhere," he said.

Well, is that so? Or are women more likely to not be concerned with the relationship, and take the "guy" line of thought - that gettin' some is gettin' some - and that's all it is?

Or, as Stepp seemed to say, is one of the reasons that people -women especially- are quick to hit the sheets is because of ill-defined thoughts on feminism and an overly sexualized culture?

Some places have the deals, and that's great. More bang for your buck is what most of us want.

Other places, though, have good service. That can be priceless. And then there are spots that are just good to visit.

Monday I was walking around Earth Fare on Battleground, and aside from having lots of good healthy food (it's a great place to eat lunch), there are some quite attractive women going around there. Heck, even the folks there that are my parents’ age look good.

Not that I'm interested in picking anyone up. Grocery stores are like gyms. Everybody is there on business. And at any grocery store, I’m more of a “hungry guy” than “looking for a date guy.” The stomach rules.

But the scenery is nice.

It's truth: if you're eating healthily, that makes you more attractive. I've always loved -and still love- vegetarians. I guess that's what happens at Earth Fare and similar places.

I have my favorite spots around town for different reasons. Natty's has good beer. Some outdoor stores seem more "homey" than others. And I pick my coffee shops based purely on ambiance and an abundance of comfortable seating.

A friend told me recently that he had a buddy that chose his watering holes based on the attractiveness of the staff. That seems like a good idea, but I'm about the service first.

But if you're doing the stuff that you would normally do, why not in a pretty place?

Do you have any locations around town that just seem to have a disproportionate amount of nice-looking folks? Ever made a trip just for the scenery?

In some cities, there's a culture of young-ish folks that congregate in spots of nightlife starting as early as Wednesday.

With that idea in mind, Unbuttoned did a little research on a crisp fall night in the Gate City.

As we set out, we kept in mind that this is no New York City, and we wouldn't want it to be. Greensboro is fine on its own.

Our findings:

- Each night spot has its own clientele. It's good to know what you're getting into beforehand.

- It doesn't seem that men go to Churchhill's to pick up women. There were lots of guys talking, lots of gals laughing, but most couples seemed to come in together. Clientele: 30-plus. Cigar lovers.

- Half-price wine night is good, but half-price Scotch night would be better.

-The waitstaff at Backstreets is really witty. Then again, they had the time since it wasn't a crazy Friday night. Clientele: The Polo-wearing set, families with drinking-age kids, non-smokers.

- Greensboro seems to be a family town, with pockets of youth around the colleges, and generally goes out on the weekends. Where are the 20-somethings?

- Even in a packed house, it seemed that most people at The Draught House still congregate in cliques. Though the friendship bar appeared to be a good place for conversation. Clientele: Grad students.

- There was one crazy party going on downtown, but you'll have to ask Ruby about that.

This morning, the clique thought stuck with me.

How easy is it to start a random conversation around here? How often does it happen to you? When you go out on the town, do you go in groups and stay in that group, or do you go out and meet others?

Unless you're watching "Beauty and the Geek."

Last night I tuned in after contemplating Ruby's last coupla posts on intelligence.

The beauties are supposed to be dumb, or act dumb, or something. Out here in the non-reality show world, that "something" can be painfully obvious.

I've seen it and experienced it: the IQ drop of women when they are attracted to a guy, a.k.a., "the dumb act."

In the arsenal of weapons women use to pick up someone, this must be the most ridiculous.

Brains are sexy, and that's not the only thing that can be sexy, as we all know. But as far as earning respect -which a lot of people seem unnaturally obsessed with anyway- acting dumb is a sure way to start from behind. The act may just be a sure sign of general stupidity overall.

The dumb act is even less respect-worthy than going home with someone on the first night (not that going back to someone's place is automatically disrespectable - something we've discussed at length before).

And fellas, we're not insulated from taking on the dumb act. It happens about every other time we see someone who's hot to trot.

A girl I knew in a few years back became the biggest moron whenever her crush came around. And then to hear her say that she planned to be a doctor made it worse. For the record, I think she is wrapping up her pre-med program, and hopefully dropped the dumb act. Another notoriously dumb-acting friend of mine just graduated UNC law school, and finally has some sense.

So, have you seen/played/witnessed/fallen victim to the dumb act? Did it work?

In keeping with our brainy week, Maureen Dowd wrote this in the NYTimes. Maybe she heard about us.

Basically, she says, if you're smart and you're a woman, forget about love. Because some research says that men are into smart women, but not the ones who are smarter then they are. And they're into ambitious women, but not ones who want more success than the guys.

Yet Christine Whelan says this at huffingtonpost.com: Dowd is full of it. Whelan supports this with a survey saying that more women with college degrees will get married than those without.

Let me clear the air here.

To get entry to club Wingfella (yes, I just wrote that), you got to have some smarts, ladies. And most of my intelligent friends agree.

Most of us prefer to have a woman with ambition and brains. That only means that the relationship will be full of interesting things that she brings from following her curiosity and her goals. Also, if she's pursuing those dreams, that should be a source of contentment that will also build into the relationship. A happy, driven person in their work or individual life will naturally make for a happy relationship.

That beats the heck out of the 1950s-era image of a housewife patiently awaiting her hubby's arrival at the end of a rough work day. And it's way better for guys than trying to keep yourself and your woman entertained. We live in a world where both members in a couple bring home the bacon in most relationships, and each has to work at it.

Really. Everyone knows that money = happiness (or something like that). So to follow the ideal way, both ought to work, do well, be ambitious and live happily ever after.

I want to hear from you on this. Fellas - does a brainy chic intimidate you or does that get you going? Ladies - ever sold yourself short to get a guy? Was it worth it? Both - what do you think of the successful guy or gal that you're going after?

I love the look: simple t-shirts and jeans. No problem there. And every now and then, when she gets all fixed up, you really appreciate it more.

Slate's Dear Prudence goes into this a bit, about a writer who's worried that his gal is too tomboy.

It's a fuzzy line between t-shirts/jeans and losing all femininity. Some jeans out there are downright girly. Anymore, jeans also seem more engineered for girls than boys.

Prudence suggests the writer to lose his gal -they've date